chaosvizier

Actually nothing special is happening. I'm just writing to say WHEEEEEEEE

Also I guess I'm writing to say the end of October does mean candy, but it also means NaNoWriMo for those folks who just write once a year because they're lazy lumps. That would be me. So away I go! I have a plan and an outline and everything, which means absolutely nothing but who's counting?

Also also, I really need to write up some old travelogues. Haven't even finished one of the old ones, and since then I've been to Yellowstone and Ecuador and maybe some other weird place. This of course is brought to my mind because I'm going to Morocco next month, so maybe I should get with the program.

Also also also, it's 2:00 in the office and I feel like a large quantity of wine is needed to pass this day along. But then I'd just run around with a pair of giant scissors and try to cut things and people, so it's better that I not follow this course.

Also⁴ it's been a week of seeing old friends again, which makes me happy.

Also⁵, I really do have a pair of giant scissors.

Thanks to the unexpected but awesome resurgence of LJ users, and the subsequent acquisition of new friends, I feel the need to post another introduction. This will make me seem cool and amazing, which in turn will lead to crushing disappointment in six months when you learn that it's all a horrible sham and I'm really just a creepy hermit huddled under a blanket watching Voltron⁵.

This might get long and wordy and may have pictures, so here's a cut tag for convenience.

( Facebook's lack of cut tags and organizational methods makes it a far inferior platform. )

This comes courtesy of Lord

fragbert, and since I should actually use my LJ for something once in a while, I'm willing to play along.

First off, GOOOOOOOD MOOOOOOORNING EVERYBOOOOODYYYYYYYYYY

Also, if you're old like me, let's try HEY YOUUUU GUUUUUUUU-UUUUUUYYYYYSSSSSSS
(because The Electric Company ruled)

Anyway, the meme. You, my wonderful and loyal (and hopefully still present and accounted-for) readers, comment below with a date and a subject, and I am honor-bound to talk about it on that date. Photo essay/entry requests are allowed. Encouraged, even. Bring it on, folks! Come partake of my vast tasty wisdom!

I'll update this entry with date and subject requests as I get them.

And so, the calendar as it stands:

( Ok, really, this time I'm going to post stuff. For reals. Come on, ask me your questions, bridge keeper. I'm not afraid. )

Today, LiveJournal's Writer's Block asks the question, "Do you ever think about changing careers? What do you dream about doing? What prevents you from making the switch?"

And, in a rare bout of blogging and introspection, I'm going to actually answer this question.

I suppose I got lucky - I got a job straight out of college, doing simple clerical stuff in an office. It was temporary, for four months, but hey, four months of pay after college is better than zero months of pay. So I did that, and typed a whole bunch of stuff, and did a decent job, and then eventually was offered a real job that was not temporary in the same office, and I took that, because again, straight out of college, job >>>>> no job.

That was 20 years ago. I have no regrets about staying the same office; I've moved up over the years, and I like what I do. Because of this job I've visited countries I would never have visited before. I've met people from literally every nation on Earth. I've met Presidents and Kings and Heads of Governments. Am I pulling in 7 figures and living a life of luxury? No. But that's not the point or the requirement. I enjoy my job, I have a lot of fun here, and I would not change my choices one bit.

In a dream world, sure, I'd be a world-famous author. But I'm not, and I just write for fun to keep my brain working. It's better that way, mostly because my writing is not actually world-class. Or even town-class. It might not have any class at all, in fact. But I don't care. Right now, I have a job that I love and enjoy, and maybe younger job-hopping people look at me and say I'm old and stagnant, but that's not true at all. I'm just old. ;-)

So there's a section of Barnes and Noble where literature is hanging out and gathering dust, because let's face it, Herman Melville and co. can be pretty dry and boring when you get down to it. But still, these are works of classic literature that all must know and partake of. So you of course have the childrens' version of these books, like ultra-abridged Cliff Notes with pretty pictures. And, hey, it's a good way to get children to familiarize themselves with the classics without crushing their souls under hundreds of torturous pages of excess blathering. Some of the books are even "interactive", to really suck the little buggers in. How could this possibly go wrong?

The sequel, 'Moby Dick Meets Your Mom', is the best-selling pop-up book of all time. OF ALL TIME!

The sequel, 'Moby Dick Meets Your Mom', is the best-selling pop-up book of all time. OF ALL TIME!

That's how.

EDIT: As a bonus, I do believe that Moby Dick was a sperm whale. That is all.

Is the third time the charm? No, unless by "charm" you mean "even more tragic than the first and second times"...

( NaNoWriMo talk under here. That's like, creative writing and other boring stuff. Skip to the end for a funny pic. )

And finally, because I can't leave these posts loaded up with seriousness and topicality, I reflect the feelings of those who have read my wonders before you:

There's never a wrong time to use this picture. Unless I'm using the one that says you can't have a pony.

There's never a wrong time to use this picture. Unless I'm using the one that says you can't have a pony.

( Footnotes make things seem more edumacational. At least, that's what high school term papers taught me. )

This post is dedicated to

cheezdanish, who made mention of a terrible, terrible thing.

( Coming Soon To A Theater Near You. Unfortunately. )

Current Mood: incredulous
Current Music: Limelight - Rush

Current count: 50383/50000.

Success!

Now, I just have to actually finish the story.

Current Mood: exulting
Current Music: Hallelujah! by G.F.Handel

So,

jmspencer mentioned in his LJ that they were doing casting calls for Spider-Man: The Musical, here in New York City.

( Here's where I start thinking, which as you all know is where it starts going downhill. )

This post really has no purpose, except that comment fields are limited to 4300 characters. This post is dedicated to

the_wanlorn as a result of her post here.

( X-Files Ep.3:9 - Quetzlcoatl )

Current Mood: Wiggidy Wack
Current Music: X-Files Theme

Yes, it's one of those rare moments where I use LJ for something that's (for the most part) not funny, goofy, stupid, or otherwise non-serious. You are fairly warned.

( This project is dedicated to ladybugbutt, who set me up for the concept, and barbarienne, who set me up for the set-up for the concept, and David Lo Pan, because he rules. )

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Vivaldi: La Primavera, 3rd Movement

When writing a letter regarding personnel and titles, a common abbreviation is the shortening of "Assistant" to "Asst." This is reasonable and saves time and energy. However, be aware that "Assistant" should not, and in fact should never, be shortened to "Ass.", as this leads to unfortunate sentences like the following:

"Mr. X will be serving as the Ambassador's Personal Ass."

And then people ask me why I'm snorting and grimacing at my desk, and I hate explaining myself.

That is all.

( After this follows memes of a literary and even cultural nature. Beware! Abandon hope yadda yadda OMGWTFSHAKESPEARED! )

Current Mood: relieved
Current Music: Arrival of the Queen of Sheba: G.F.Handel

Yes, when work's good, it's real good. When it's bad, it's real bad. But when it's crazy, hooooo boy!

( I haven't been home in five days. I bet my flatscreen monitor has 'migrated' to one of my housemates' desks by now. )

Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: zzzzzzz

Work on a weekend:
Pretty like a rose in bloom?
I do not think so.

It's storytime, boys and girls! I know you sometimes wonder at the lengths I would go to to ~~tell completely inane and meaningless stories~~ make my housemates happy pandas. Well, sit back, relax, grab that popcorn, crack open a cold one and hold on to your seats- the action is about to begin!

( Operation: Boba-Quest )

Current Mood: insane
Current Music: The Imperial March

tittle- the dot on the letter "i"
pip- the dots on a die or domino
googol- the number one with a hundred zeros (10^100)
gnomon- the part of a sundial that casts the shadow
octothorpe- the # symbol
filtrum- the two lines between your nose and upper lip
lunula- the white shaded areas at the base of your fingernails
bijou- an ornate piece of jewelry

Amazing, the things you can learn on cereal boxes nowadays. Thank you,

ladybugbutt, for enriching my vocabulary thusly.

Today's Reader Challenge: Use one, some, or all of these words in your LiveJournal entry today. Bonus points if you use "octothorpe", because I like that word the most. Heh.

EDIT: I'm going to add one more word to this list, just because I do this a lot and didn't realize there was a word for it...
tmesis- breaking up compound words with other words for emphasis. Example: any-fucking-where.

As always, whenever someone dares me to do something, I can't resist. So here goes...

An Hollydaye Treatyze

A is for Advent, a calendar of sweet
B is for Blitzen, a venison treat
C is for Christmas, the birthday of Jesus
D is for Drinking, which goes great with cheeses
E is for Eggnog, which makes me roly-poly
F is for Fa La La, and other carols holy
G is for Goose, upon which the chefs toil
H is for Hannukah, and eight days of oil
I is for Irritable, Irrational, Irate
J is for Jingle Bells, on my nerves they grate
K is for Kwanzaa, because it's PC
L is for Lines At Stores, that cause misery
M is for Mistletoe- give me a smoochie
N is for Nutmeg, which tastes sweet on hoochie
O is for Orange, an unseasonal colour
P is for Presents, that's what we're all here for
Q is for Quality, sacrificed for money
R is for Rudolph, with nose red and runny
S is for Santa, an anagram of Satan
T is for Times Square, and New Year's Celebratin'
U is for Unlucky, if your birthday's on Christmas
V is for Valentine's- no, that's still months from us
W is for Winter, with cold, snow, and ice
X is for XMas Tree, all decorated and nice
Y is for Yulelog, which burns hot and pleasin'
Z is for Zoloft, the cure for the season!

Up next, I go get myself a big drink to start off the workday. Yippie kay aye, motherfuckers!

Current Mood: Bah Humbug
Current Music: Wreck The Halls With Cows Of Folly!

marasca and I have decided that today should be dedicated to Haiku. So start haikuing, everyone!

(reminder: for those of you who don't know, a Haiku is a Japanese form of poetry consisting of three lines. The first line contains five syllables, the second line seven syllables, and the third line five syllables. There are some variants, but this is the most common form.)

(reminder: for those of you who don't know what a syllable is, let me know so I can come over and beat you silly.)

Friday, my lost love
I have not enjoyed you for
Nineteen fucking days.

Drinking on the job?
Never would I- oooh, white wine?
Don't mind if I do!

Vision is fading,
Head bobs marionette-like.
Sleep, eternal sleep!

Five, Seven, and Five-
How to build your own Haiku.
Try it- you'll like it!

Let the haikuing begin!

I like to write. No, scratch that. I love to write. Writing is fun. This is not to say that I'm good at it, as this LJ comment aptly demonstrates; it just means I like to do it. Kinda like me singing... but that's a whole different nightmare which we won't go into at this particular moment.

I would love to walk into a bookstore and see a book on a shelf for sale with my name listed as the author. I don't care if no one buys it. It's there. It's published. I'm only half-way there, with some writing credit given in a computer game (okay, shameless self-promotion for Master Of Orion III, which unfortunately wasn't a great computer game, but hell, enough people bought it, which means enough people read my stuff, and fuck it, I'll feed my ego here just for kicks).

But more even than that, I would like to write something on the lines of this story, which was so goddam funny that everyone who read it on that forum immediately told all their friends about it, and those people told others, and all of a sudden a million people all over the internet read this incredibly hilarious tale of how evil blimps can be. That is my true goal in life.

Since neither of the above incidents has happened yet, I'll head off to my next goal, which would be to drink this entire bottle of chocolate chip cookie cream liquor, because it's so goddam tasty. If anyone would like to donate their liver to my cause, I'd be grateful. Not yours,

fizrep; it's probably worse than mine.

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: see thereject's LJ for the badger song. Goddamn.

FAIRY TALE

nce upon a time there has a young PIMP named LARRY. He was ENERGETICALLY SKULLFUCKING in the GINORMOUS forest when he met RECTILINEAR TYM, a run-away CRACK DEALER from the ECSTATIC Queen JULIA ROBERTS.

LARRY could see that RECTILINEAR TYM was hungry so he reached into his VAT and give him his SWEDISH HAGGIS. RECTILINEAR TYM was thankful for LARRY's HAGGIS, so he told LARRY a very ULTIMATE story about Queen JULIA ROBERTS's daughter ANGELA. How her mother, the ECSTATIC Queen JULIA ROBERTS, kept her locked away in a FORTRESS protected by a gigantic MANTA RAY, because ANGELA was so FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC.

LARRY POUNDED. He vowed to RECTILINEAR TYM the CRACK DEALER that he would save the FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC ANGELA. He would SNORT the MANTA RAY, and take ANGELA far away from her eveil mother, the ECSTATIC Queen JULIA ROBERTS, and HUMP her.

Then, all of the sudden, there was a MIGHTY TSUNAMI and RECTILINEAR TYM the CRACK DEALER began to laugh. With a puff of smoke he turned into the gigantic MANTA RAY from his story. ECSTATIC Queen JULIA ROBERTS ERUPTED out from behind a TESLACOIL and struck LARRY dead. In the far off FORTRESS you could hear a BITCHSLAP.

THE END.

Make your own Fairy Tale at fuali.com

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chaosvizier

May 2025

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Entries tagged with writing

A post again, after so many eons? What trickery is this?

In Which I Lie About How Often I Will Post Next Year

Well, I Should Post More, So Here's A Meme

Writer's Block: It's not just a job, it's an adventure!

Educational Books Gone Wrong

Crazy Ideas, Take Three!

Some Movie Ideas Just Should Not Be

NaNoWin!

Thanks in part to jmspencer

This Post Is Complete Nonsense

Personal Project Time!

A Helpful Warning For Non-English Speakers

Ah, Work, How You Own Me

High Coo' 4 U Awl

The Quest

Words Of The Day

A Holiday Poem, Dedicated To skullgrrl

Welcome To National LJ Haiku Day!

My Goal In Life

Make Your Own Fairytale, borrowed from halcyon7