chaosvizier | Monday Movie Mania, Part 1!

Well, this weekend was pretty movie-licious, covering two major blockbusters in a single bound! Wheeee! So, let's discuss...

Terminator: Salvation

Here we are at the fourth film of the franchise, and one of the big questions that I keep asking myself is "How does that guy get away with the name McG anyway? I just want to smack him." That, however, is completely irrelevant to the rest of the film. Mr. McG should get credit for taking the "Terminator" franchise in a brand-new direction - all previous films have involved Terminators being sent back in time to kill various key figures in humanity's future. However, here we have gone forward into that future to see what humanity is doing in its battle against the machine menace. And, in a sense, we have a circular prequel to the first "Terminator" film, leading one to wonder which came first, the prequel or the sequel, or are they time-travelling equals? Ah, who am I kidding? This isn't philosophy, it's action and adrenaline pumped up to eleven. Well, maybe eight and a half.

We do have a star-studded cast here, however. Let's give credit to Batman for leading the human resistance. If anyone can defeat skynet, you can bet it'll be the goddam Batman. And hey, didn't you think Pavel Chekov was the cutest thing in the new Star Trek movie? Well, he's less cute and less Russian in this film, but he does have more dialogue. And, holy crap, is Helena Bonham Carter the villainess? Can you believe it? Well, probably, if you've seen the previous Harry Potter movie. And let's throw in Michael "I Make Gruff Look Awesome" Ironside and Bryce Dallas "This Is Not A Shyamalan Movie" Howard for good measure. Heavy.

The plot: It's man vs. machine! But not that lame TV show "Mann Vs. Machine". That was crappy. This is less crappy.

The pros: Taking the franchise in a new direction is a good thing; the "send one robot and one savior back in time to duke it out" thing has definitely worn out its welcome. Now we get to see the armies of man and the armies of Skynet go toe to toe, and it's not pretty. You've got action by the bucketload, giant robots, tough guys, tough girls, tough kids... yeah. The plot is fairly linear, with the resistance trying one final desperate gambit to beat the machines, and with an unknown in the form of Marcus, the first in a line of human-looking Terminators. And, as a bonus, Arnold Schwarzenegger is digitally represented in the first deployment of the T-800, the role he played in all the previous Terminator films.

The cons: Well, it is an action movie. You're not expecting Shakespeare, as usual. It's not as horrific as Terminator 1 or 2, where you actively feared the unstoppable juggernaut that was the evil Terminator. This is just a bunch of pumped up adrenaline, where you know that Marcus is a tool of Skynet, and you're just waiting to see when he will turn on his human "friends". You know that the resistance leaders are just a bunch of blowhards, and that John Connor is the only person worth a damn. You know that, in the words of Admiral Ackbar, "It's a trap!" and you wait for it to be sprung. But all that aside, it's a decent action movie, and still vastly better than Terminator 3.

The verdict: Could be better... but could be a lot worse. And it's a nice picture of the future after the robots did their deed.

Disclaimer: Helena Bonham Carter for SHODAN in "System Shock: The Movie". Y/Y?

Disclaimer: I actually thought False Arnold was pretty well done. Extra credit for using shadows and lighting to cover up his nekkid nether regions.

Disclaimer: Hee hee, Christian Bale said "I'll be back".

Disclaimer: I hate the "Cute Little Kid" trope.

Edit: Who the fuck brings their 3-yr-old to this movie? It was 1:45 pm on a Sunday! You can find a fucking babysitter! IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD! Get that little shit out of here! JEBUS! Thank goodness the movie was louder than its screaming.