Thanks to the unexpected but awesome resurgence of LJ users, and the subsequent acquisition of new friends, I feel the need to post another introduction. This will make me seem cool and amazing, which in turn will lead to crushing disappointment in six months when you learn that it's all a horrible sham and I'm really just a creepy hermit huddled under a blanket watching Voltron5.

This might get long and wordy and may have pictures, so here's a cut tag for convenience.

Facebook's lack of cut tags and organizational methods makes it a far inferior platform. )
This comes courtesy of Lord [ profile] fragbert, and since I should actually use my LJ for something once in a while, I'm willing to play along.


Also, if you're old like me, let's try HEY YOUUUU GUUUUUUUU-UUUUUUYYYYYSSSSSSS
(because The Electric Company ruled)

Anyway, the meme. You, my wonderful and loyal (and hopefully still present and accounted-for) readers, comment below with a date and a subject, and I am honor-bound to talk about it on that date. Photo essay/entry requests are allowed. Encouraged, even. Bring it on, folks! Come partake of my vast tasty wisdom!

I'll update this entry with date and subject requests as I get them.

And so, the calendar as it stands:

Ok, really, this time I'm going to post stuff. For reals. Come on, ask me your questions, bridge keeper. I'm not afraid. )
Today, LiveJournal's Writer's Block asks the question, "Do you ever think about changing careers? What do you dream about doing? What prevents you from making the switch?"

And, in a rare bout of blogging and introspection, I'm going to actually answer this question.

I suppose I got lucky - I got a job straight out of college, doing simple clerical stuff in an office. It was temporary, for four months, but hey, four months of pay after college is better than zero months of pay. So I did that, and typed a whole bunch of stuff, and did a decent job, and then eventually was offered a real job that was not temporary in the same office, and I took that, because again, straight out of college, job >>>>> no job.

That was 20 years ago. I have no regrets about staying the same office; I've moved up over the years, and I like what I do. Because of this job I've visited countries I would never have visited before. I've met people from literally every nation on Earth. I've met Presidents and Kings and Heads of Governments. Am I pulling in 7 figures and living a life of luxury? No. But that's not the point or the requirement. I enjoy my job, I have a lot of fun here, and I would not change my choices one bit.

In a dream world, sure, I'd be a world-famous author. But I'm not, and I just write for fun to keep my brain working. It's better that way, mostly because my writing is not actually world-class. Or even town-class. It might not have any class at all, in fact. But I don't care. Right now, I have a job that I love and enjoy, and maybe younger job-hopping people look at me and say I'm old and stagnant, but that's not true at all. I'm just old. ;-)
So there's a section of Barnes and Noble where literature is hanging out and gathering dust, because let's face it, Herman Melville and co. can be pretty dry and boring when you get down to it. But still, these are works of classic literature that all must know and partake of. So you of course have the childrens' version of these books, like ultra-abridged Cliff Notes with pretty pictures. And, hey, it's a good way to get children to familiarize themselves with the classics without crushing their souls under hundreds of torturous pages of excess blathering. Some of the books are even "interactive", to really suck the little buggers in. How could this possibly go wrong?

That's how.

EDIT: As a bonus, I do believe that Moby Dick was a sperm whale. That is all.
Is the third time the charm? No, unless by "charm" you mean "even more tragic than the first and second times"...

NaNoWriMo talk under here. That's like, creative writing and other boring stuff. Skip to the end for a funny pic. )

And finally, because I can't leave these posts loaded up with seriousness and topicality, I reflect the feelings of those who have read my wonders before you:

Footnotes make things seem more edumacational. At least, that's what high school term papers taught me. )
This post is dedicated to [ profile] cheezdanish, who made mention of a terrible, terrible thing.

Coming Soon To A Theater Near You. Unfortunately. )


Nov. 29th, 2007 02:22 pm
Current count: 50383/50000.


Now, I just have to actually finish the story.
So, [ profile] jmspencer mentioned in his LJ that they were doing casting calls for Spider-Man: The Musical, here in New York City.

Here's where I start thinking, which as you all know is where it starts going downhill. )
This post really has no purpose, except that comment fields are limited to 4300 characters. This post is dedicated to [ profile] the_wanlorn as a result of her post here.

X-Files Ep.3:9 - Quetzlcoatl )
Yes, it's one of those rare moments where I use LJ for something that's (for the most part) not funny, goofy, stupid, or otherwise non-serious. You are fairly warned.

This project is dedicated to ladybugbutt, who set me up for the concept, and barbarienne, who set me up for the set-up for the concept, and David Lo Pan, because he rules. )
When writing a letter regarding personnel and titles, a common abbreviation is the shortening of "Assistant" to "Asst." This is reasonable and saves time and energy. However, be aware that "Assistant" should not, and in fact should never, be shortened to "Ass.", as this leads to unfortunate sentences like the following:

"Mr. X will be serving as the Ambassador's Personal Ass."

And then people ask me why I'm snorting and grimacing at my desk, and I hate explaining myself.

That is all.

After this follows memes of a literary and even cultural nature. Beware! Abandon hope yadda yadda OMGWTFSHAKESPEARED! )
Yes, when work's good, it's real good. When it's bad, it's real bad. But when it's crazy, hooooo boy!

I haven't been home in five days. I bet my flatscreen monitor has 'migrated' to one of my housemates' desks by now. )
Work on a weekend:
Pretty like a rose in bloom?
I do not think so.

The Quest

Jul. 1st, 2004 08:00 am
It's storytime, boys and girls! I know you sometimes wonder at the lengths I would go to to tell completely inane and meaningless stories make my housemates happy pandas. Well, sit back, relax, grab that popcorn, crack open a cold one and hold on to your seats- the action is about to begin!

Operation: Boba-Quest )
tittle- the dot on the letter "i"
pip- the dots on a die or domino
googol- the number one with a hundred zeros (10^100)
gnomon- the part of a sundial that casts the shadow
octothorpe- the # symbol
filtrum- the two lines between your nose and upper lip
lunula- the white shaded areas at the base of your fingernails
bijou- an ornate piece of jewelry

Amazing, the things you can learn on cereal boxes nowadays. Thank you, [profile] ladybugbutt, for enriching my vocabulary thusly.

Today's Reader Challenge: Use one, some, or all of these words in your LiveJournal entry today. Bonus points if you use "octothorpe", because I like that word the most. Heh.

EDIT: I'm going to add one more word to this list, just because I do this a lot and didn't realize there was a word for it...
tmesis- breaking up compound words with other words for emphasis. Example: any-fucking-where.
As always, whenever someone dares me to do something, I can't resist. So here goes...

An Hollydaye Treatyze

A is for Advent, a calendar of sweet
B is for Blitzen, a venison treat
C is for Christmas, the birthday of Jesus
D is for Drinking, which goes great with cheeses
E is for Eggnog, which makes me roly-poly
F is for Fa La La, and other carols holy
G is for Goose, upon which the chefs toil
H is for Hannukah, and eight days of oil
I is for Irritable, Irrational, Irate
J is for Jingle Bells, on my nerves they grate
K is for Kwanzaa, because it's PC
L is for Lines At Stores, that cause misery
M is for Mistletoe- give me a smoochie
N is for Nutmeg, which tastes sweet on hoochie
O is for Orange, an unseasonal colour
P is for Presents, that's what we're all here for
Q is for Quality, sacrificed for money
R is for Rudolph, with nose red and runny
S is for Santa, an anagram of Satan
T is for Times Square, and New Year's Celebratin'
U is for Unlucky, if your birthday's on Christmas
V is for Valentine's- no, that's still months from us
W is for Winter, with cold, snow, and ice
X is for XMas Tree, all decorated and nice
Y is for Yulelog, which burns hot and pleasin'
Z is for Zoloft, the cure for the season!

Up next, I go get myself a big drink to start off the workday. Yippie kay aye, motherfuckers!
[profile] marasca and I have decided that today should be dedicated to Haiku. So start haikuing, everyone!

(reminder: for those of you who don't know, a Haiku is a Japanese form of poetry consisting of three lines. The first line contains five syllables, the second line seven syllables, and the third line five syllables. There are some variants, but this is the most common form.)

(reminder: for those of you who don't know what a syllable is, let me know so I can come over and beat you silly.)

Friday, my lost love
I have not enjoyed you for
Nineteen fucking days.

Drinking on the job?
Never would I- oooh, white wine?
Don't mind if I do!

Vision is fading,
Head bobs marionette-like.
Sleep, eternal sleep!

Five, Seven, and Five-
How to build your own Haiku.
Try it- you'll like it!

Let the haikuing begin!
I like to write. No, scratch that. I love to write. Writing is fun. This is not to say that I'm good at it, as this LJ comment aptly demonstrates; it just means I like to do it. Kinda like me singing... but that's a whole different nightmare which we won't go into at this particular moment.

I would love to walk into a bookstore and see a book on a shelf for sale with my name listed as the author. I don't care if no one buys it. It's there. It's published. I'm only half-way there, with some writing credit given in a computer game (okay, shameless self-promotion for Master Of Orion III, which unfortunately wasn't a great computer game, but hell, enough people bought it, which means enough people read my stuff, and fuck it, I'll feed my ego here just for kicks).

But more even than that, I would like to write something on the lines of this story, which was so goddam funny that everyone who read it on that forum immediately told all their friends about it, and those people told others, and all of a sudden a million people all over the internet read this incredibly hilarious tale of how evil blimps can be. That is my true goal in life.

Since neither of the above incidents has happened yet, I'll head off to my next goal, which would be to drink this entire bottle of chocolate chip cookie cream liquor, because it's so goddam tasty. If anyone would like to donate their liver to my cause, I'd be grateful. Not yours, [profile] fizrep; it's probably worse than mine.


Once upon a time there has a young PIMP named LARRY. He was ENERGETICALLY SKULLFUCKING in the GINORMOUS forest when he met RECTILINEAR TYM, a run-away CRACK DEALER from the ECSTATIC Queen JULIA ROBERTS.

LARRY could see that RECTILINEAR TYM was hungry so he reached into his VAT and give him his SWEDISH HAGGIS. RECTILINEAR TYM was thankful for LARRY's HAGGIS, so he told LARRY a very ULTIMATE story about Queen JULIA ROBERTS's daughter ANGELA. How her mother, the ECSTATIC Queen JULIA ROBERTS, kept her locked away in a FORTRESS protected by a gigantic MANTA RAY, because ANGELA was so FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC.

LARRY POUNDED. He vowed to RECTILINEAR TYM the CRACK DEALER that he would save the FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC ANGELA. He would SNORT the MANTA RAY, and take ANGELA far away from her eveil mother, the ECSTATIC Queen JULIA ROBERTS, and HUMP her.

Then, all of the sudden, there was a MIGHTY TSUNAMI and RECTILINEAR TYM the CRACK DEALER began to laugh. With a puff of smoke he turned into the gigantic MANTA RAY from his story. ECSTATIC Queen JULIA ROBERTS ERUPTED out from behind a TESLACOIL and struck LARRY dead. In the far off FORTRESS you could hear a BITCHSLAP.


Make your own Fairy Tale at

So on Friday afternoon, [ profile] angledge and I go to Borders' book store in southern Manhattan where Neil Gaiman is doing a book signing and reading. Cool. For those of you who insist on depriving yourselves of things that rule, Neil Gaiman writes some incredible works of modern fantasy, and is responsible for arguably one of the best comic book series ever, Sandman.

He read from his newest children's book, Wolves In The Walls. He has a good reading voice, augmented of course by his British accent, and it made the reading a lot of fun. He then answered questions (highlight: "What is your favorite font?" - "Oh, now we're getting desperate. I mean, how am I going to answer this? 'Well, I think Arial is quite pretty, but Courier is still very traditional and formal.'"), and then the signing began.

The signing order was very well-arranged by Borders- as each person entered the store for the signing, they were given a page off a page-a-day calendar. In this fashion, they could announce "January can go up the signing booth now." - "February can go up now." - and so on. Quite clever. The hordes of fans were directed to proceed by the gayest man on the face of planet Earth. Now, I am in no way homophobic- some of my closest friends are gay. I'm simply saying that this man was the amalgam of EVERY gay male stereotype ever. When this guy used the word "super" in a sentence the same way South Park's Big Gay Al would use the word "super", I about lost my shit.

So, we have our calendar pages. In a bizarre twist of fate, my page was 5 May. Yes, my birthday. How's that for impressive? In any event, that also told us that we had about 120 people ahead of us, which gave us time to go out and eat and wander. We went to Ground Zero, circled it for a while, studied the remnants of WTC7, and searched for our friend Brian's apartment that had been WAY too close to the blast zone. So we spent some time relaxing, and finally got back to the store just in time for May to be called. We wait, meet Neil, get autographs and pictures, and off we go.

All in all, a good Friday afternoon.

EDIT (3 Feb 2017): Look, a picture!
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