[personal profile] chaosvizier
Wherein our heroes ultimately arrive at the religious capital of the United Kingdom and discover that cathedrals are big, shiny, and lethal.



Some of you are familiar with the British isles and their ways, most notably their driving ways. To make the most of our journey, [livejournal.com profile] katieledge and I rented a car and used it to get pretty much everywhere. The core of the matter was driving on the opposite side of the road.

Here's a big secret for everyone who drives on the right side of the road: It's not that big a deal to switch.

Let's not go crazy and say it's a piece of cake. I most certainly would not have tested my skills against the madness-inducing labyrinth that is London's roadmap. I respect- nay, WORSHIP- the grid concept that New York City has embraced. However, London and other major cities aside, the highways and small towns are really quite manageable, once you get past a few things.

A) Your center of perspective is now right-shifted. I found it hard to keep in the middle of the lane, and really had to work a while to get used to it.
B) People drive quite fast on the highways. Yeah, fine, I'm a slow old fuddy-duddy. But when I'm cruising the lanes at a rather swift 85 mph and the guys in the fast lane are ROCKETING past me, I know I'm out of my league.
C) Wide cross-intersection right turn: trickier than it sounds.
D) Road signs. I like simple intersections- one road intersects another at a clean ninety degree angle, creating a pretty plus sign that makes sense. Britain has apparently scoffed at the traditional intersection (or "crossroads", as they call them), and has introduced the "roundabout", their answer to a traffic circle.
This thing has more loose ends than a cow's udder!
What the fuck is that thing? No really! Just look at it!
And believe me, it's much scarier when you're actually in it. Some of you might recall the classic scene in National Lampoon's European Vacation, "Look kids. Big Ben. Parliament." I assure you, that scene derives no small amount of comedy from the truth.

EDIT: I forgot this part. Most of the major traffic circles have an actual physical barrier in the center of the circle. Something with concrete barriers and some grass and flowers and stuff. But in the smaller towns, they're cheap. The roundabouts are PAINTED ON THE ROAD. There's a white dot in the middle of the roundabout, and the traffic just has to know that they go around it. And the white dot isn't huge- maybe ten feet diameter, total. If that. I commented "This isn't a traffic circle. More like a traffic bagel, at best."

Nonetheless, driving eventually became a simple procedure, and so our great adventures continued.

Monday, 17 April: Onward to Canterbury! Yes, Canterbury, featured prominently in Chaucer's "Canterbury Tales". By some coincidence we had had lunch along the Pilgrims' Way earlier in the week, where the travelers would begin or join the long pilgrimage to Canterbury Cathedral and the shrine of St. Thomas Becket.

We took a car. Total pilgrimage time: 55 minutes. In your face, Chaucer!

Before we got to the cathedral, of course, we had to satiate our thirst.
Where beer carts go, beer is likely to follow. And I as well.
Mmmmmm... beer.

In addition to the architectural magnificence of big old cathedrals, I love the concept of their massive network of rooms, catacombs, towers, and chambers. Being in a cathedral allows me to live out my fantasy of being in a Da Vinci Code-style novel of ancient religious intrigue and mystic mystery. It's all hogwash, but let's face it- it's million-dollar best selling hogwash. And I want in.

The outer stonework was more impressive than that of Leeds Castle:
Canterbury Cathedral in all its towering glory.
I took a few moments to address the Easter Monday masses:
'We are gathered here this day to demand more gin and more pudding in all churches. So let it be written; so let it be done!'
But then they pointed out what happened to Thomas Becket:
PWNT
And I settled down.

(Historical Note: Thomas Becket, Archbishop of Canterbury, was assassinated in the cathedral as a result of misunderstood orders from King Henry II, who was annoyed with Becket. Supposedly you can still see the bloodstains on the ground where he was killed. There is a plaque marking the spot, but nothing that looked like bloodstains. [livejournal.com profile] katieledge believes that they just paint the stones every few days to look bloody.)

There were plenty of ruins nearby of churches and structures that had once stood on the grounds before the cathedral was built over them. Mmmm, ruinous.

Finally we went to see the remains of Canterbury Castle, which was at that point in time just four stone walls and some rubble. Just a wee castle ruin, then. Although at one point the grounds had been purchased by a gas company and the castle used to store gas tanks and materials and, later, to store and distribute Coke. Now that's the fall of culture if I ever saw it.

Not far from Canterbury is the Channel Tunnel leading into France, which I was sorely tempted to pursue. But time and money were ever against us. Next time, Chunnel. We shall meet again.


In our next adventure, our heroes brave the wilds of London and the ancient Roman ruins of Bath. Our heroes do not actually take a bath. Curiously, they go to a spa, which is not unlike Bath. Confused yet?

Date: 2006-04-27 05:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-wanlorn.livejournal.com
Oh my, absolutely gorgeous!

Also: Roundabouts are sexy, in an "ohgods ohgods we're all gonna die" way.

Date: 2006-04-27 05:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaosvizier.livejournal.com
Roundabouts are NOT logical. They're neverending spirals of doom that might throw you chaos knows where, with little or no control over your ultimate destiny. Does the spiral narrow? Does your path alter? Do you move along the wheel, or does the wheel move under you? YOU JUST DON'T KNOW!

Date: 2006-04-27 05:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-wanlorn.livejournal.com
I figure all roundabouts in the world are connected in one giant, hellacious design and that one day, with the right number of cars circling mindlessly and the right number of backups and such, the will start to spin and sink down and unlock fifty bajillion PORTALS TO HELL and we'll all DIE.

Or kill Satan, take over, and make everyone drink pina coladas all day long. Except whoever does it will probably know how to spell that second word and how to get the tilde over the n without erasing her entire original message and crying a little on the inside.

Date: 2006-04-27 05:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaosvizier.livejournal.com
Hehehe... ñ makes you a sad wanlorn.

The dread Roundabout Conspiracy is upon us! Beware the number of the Circular Beast: 3.141592666!

Date: 2006-04-27 05:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-wanlorn.livejournal.com
Sod off! My laptop keyboard is slowly dying. I don't have any Ctrl keys left and the Alt keeps popping off!

Makes me wonder if it's going to happen on Pi Day!

Date: 2006-04-27 06:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-wanlorn.livejournal.com
*single emotear of woe*

Date: 2006-04-27 05:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dear25.livejournal.com
i visited rural Portugal (which is beautiful, by the way, and i would love to live there) for 2 weeks 4 years ago, and all they have are those weird circle things with the branches. and no road sign is intelligble, so nothing helps. it was a nightmare. i feel for you.

Date: 2006-04-27 05:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaosvizier.livejournal.com
I did love Portugal. I went there twice... about 15-20 years ago. I think automotive technology and regulations are still new ideas to them. Plus, they drive with hate. Passing, uphill, on a curve, at 75? MADMEN, all of them! I almost got killed by a van, twice.

But it was beautiful. One of the few times I enjoyed the water. Or maybe that was because of nekkid women on the beach. Something like that.

Date: 2006-04-27 07:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dear25.livejournal.com
they're crazy in portugal. they all drive with beers in their hands, and there's no speed limits posted anywhere, not to mention the severe lack of road signs that let you know where you are, where you just came from, or where you're going.

Date: 2006-04-27 06:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sskipstress.livejournal.com
traffic cirlces make life entertaining. Pay particular attention to the median divider between the inner two and outer lanes of this circle. And here's another circle on this one note that three lanes merge into the circle traffic at once.

Date: 2006-04-27 10:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] drlaurac.livejournal.com
Boston has them as well, though there they are called Rotaries. Ick.

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