Movies with Mammaries!
Apr. 26th, 2004 08:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chaosvizierToday shall forever mark the day when my LJ Movie Review section jumps the shark, for here I will break that forbidden seal that heralds the apocalypse and post a review for some soft-core pr0n. Really soft core. On the other hand, it might be the worst movie I've reviewed so far. Actually, it probably is. Even worse than Tomb Raider II: The Cradle of Life, which was pretty fucking bad. So, enjoy!
Reform School Girls
To start off, there is a distinct difference between "bad movie" and "cult classic". Although there is generally a lot of overlap between the two labels, occasionally leading to the almost-accurate statement "All cult classics are bad movies, but not all bad movies are cult classics", the differences are significant. Bad movies are just bad- in addition to poor plot, writing, acting, directing, and what not, there's no spark in them, no energy, nothing that really can hold the viewer's interest whatsoever. Cult classics, or "camp", somehow overcome their poor filmography with a certain je ne sais quoi, that extra touch that makes the movie far funnier than it was intended to be. My personal favorite is Flash Gordon- terrible plot, horrific overacting, and yet... infinitely mesmerizing.
That being said... this movie is campy and culty and a whole bunch of other stuff. But in the end, there I was watching it because it had boobies. And goddammit if I'm not a sucker for boobies.
The plot: Women Prison Movie. Except they're "teens", not women, and it's a "reform school", not a prison. Whatthefuckever.
The pros: Boobies. Lots of 'em. Shower scenes with boobies. Hosing down nekkid girls. Ass branding. Lingerie pillow fights. More boobies. I was mesmerized. Also, the kitten scene (gratuitously pillaged from the 1950 film Caged, but that's beside the point) was outrageously funny. Some guns and explosions too, which I can always approve of. Some more boobies. A lot of unintentional comedy, courtesy of Pat Ast. And did I mention the boobies?
The cons: Everything else. Fans of this movie idolize Wendy O. Williams; her face gave me nightmares. Eep. Sybil Danning was just an Ilsa: She-Wolf of the SS ripoff. And all the other girls had 80's hair, which was in and of itself a traumatic sight to behold. The story is just a conflict of bad vs bad- the "bad girls" in prison (oops, I mean reform school) against the "evil wardens" who keep them under control. Complete control! Throw in a few token "evil lesbians" who act as mob bosses to all the other girls, have a few catfights, and the fact that all the male characters in the movie are also evil, and you've got a great film about female empowerment. No. No you don't. You still just have a crappy softer-than-soft core pr0n flick.
The verdict: Had I been more trashed, this would have gone down better. A lot better.
Disclaimer: Although it was a bad movie, watching it with lovely women made it a thousand times more palateable. This review is dedicated toghostwriterxx, who actually owns the above movie. Is that bad? Not really; I own Flash Gordon myself, which is arguably a worse movie, albeit far more gaudy and colorful. Not as much boobie, though.
Reform School Girls
To start off, there is a distinct difference between "bad movie" and "cult classic". Although there is generally a lot of overlap between the two labels, occasionally leading to the almost-accurate statement "All cult classics are bad movies, but not all bad movies are cult classics", the differences are significant. Bad movies are just bad- in addition to poor plot, writing, acting, directing, and what not, there's no spark in them, no energy, nothing that really can hold the viewer's interest whatsoever. Cult classics, or "camp", somehow overcome their poor filmography with a certain je ne sais quoi, that extra touch that makes the movie far funnier than it was intended to be. My personal favorite is Flash Gordon- terrible plot, horrific overacting, and yet... infinitely mesmerizing.
That being said... this movie is campy and culty and a whole bunch of other stuff. But in the end, there I was watching it because it had boobies. And goddammit if I'm not a sucker for boobies.
The plot: Women Prison Movie. Except they're "teens", not women, and it's a "reform school", not a prison. Whatthefuckever.
The pros: Boobies. Lots of 'em. Shower scenes with boobies. Hosing down nekkid girls. Ass branding. Lingerie pillow fights. More boobies. I was mesmerized. Also, the kitten scene (gratuitously pillaged from the 1950 film Caged, but that's beside the point) was outrageously funny. Some guns and explosions too, which I can always approve of. Some more boobies. A lot of unintentional comedy, courtesy of Pat Ast. And did I mention the boobies?
The cons: Everything else. Fans of this movie idolize Wendy O. Williams; her face gave me nightmares. Eep. Sybil Danning was just an Ilsa: She-Wolf of the SS ripoff. And all the other girls had 80's hair, which was in and of itself a traumatic sight to behold. The story is just a conflict of bad vs bad- the "bad girls" in prison (oops, I mean reform school) against the "evil wardens" who keep them under control. Complete control! Throw in a few token "evil lesbians" who act as mob bosses to all the other girls, have a few catfights, and the fact that all the male characters in the movie are also evil, and you've got a great film about female empowerment. No. No you don't. You still just have a crappy softer-than-soft core pr0n flick.
The verdict: Had I been more trashed, this would have gone down better. A lot better.
Disclaimer: Although it was a bad movie, watching it with lovely women made it a thousand times more palateable. This review is dedicated to
ghostwriterxx, who actually owns the above movie. Is that bad? Not really; I own Flash Gordon myself, which is arguably a worse movie, albeit far more gaudy and colorful. Not as much boobie, though.
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no subject
Date: 2004-04-26 08:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-26 08:45 am (UTC)On second thought, no I don't. I'm pretty sure about that already.
no subject
no subject
Date: 2004-04-26 10:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-26 02:43 pm (UTC)And you thought you were jumping the shark today ...
no subject
Date: 2004-04-27 06:13 am (UTC)Well, technically my second. Someone asked me to review Super Troopers before, but I keep passing out in the middle of it because, so far, every time I've watched it A) it's been at least 4 am and B) I've been completely plastered. Go figure.
no subject
Date: 2004-04-27 07:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-27 08:04 am (UTC)