Munchies, Monsters, And Matches

[chaosvizier]

Munchies
As often happens in this office, food magically appears on the waiting room table for our consumption. Usually this food takes the form of a box of fancy chocolates that someone brought back from a trip, or occasionally something larger, like a cake (for instance, a big coffee cheesecake, which showed up about three weeks ago and lasted all of an hour). Standard office procedure apparently is that everyone has a sample of the proferred gift food, and then someone declares, "Hans, eat that so we don't get fat," at which point I'm in like Flynn.

Sometimes these treats don't go over so well. Case in point: whatever I just ate. It looked like a cookie. It was round and flat-ish. The package was all in Korean, so I had no idea what exactly it was. But I'm an adventurous soul; nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that, so I opened it. A quick blast of flavorful aroma assaulted my nostrils: creamy, thick, almost like the smell of a Yodel. Curious. So I look at the cookie-like thing in my hands. It's large, about 4" across, soft and spongy and covered in chocolate. Can't be all bad, I figure, so I take a bite. Two thin layers of cake sandwich a creamy middle within the chocolate outer shell.

Then the taste hits me. I believe I now know where Iraq hid all its chemical weapons. They wrapped them up disguised as cookies and sold them to their Korean buddies. Insidious. Ingenius. And, unfortunately for me, disgusting.

It takes a full 20 oz bottle of Mountain Dew to erase the sensation from my taste buds. The memory, however, will live on in infamy. Gnnnnarrrrggghhh...





Monsters
Wednesday, October 22nd. 0600. MI-5 Agent chaosvizier departs his residence, cloaked in shadow, ready to continue his ongoing war against evil and other baddies. Danger follows at every turn, but he is not afraid. The enemy cannot stop him.

His vehicle awaits, disguised as a harmless Volvo stationwagon. No one knows its true potential. He waits a moment for the fingerprint and retinal scans to hum in acknowledgement of his identity, and then slips inside. The car roars to life with the traditional loud farting sound that a broken muffler is wont to make. The soothing sounds of Simon and Garfunkel fill the cockpit. As he is ready to depart, the ever-aware chaosvizier catches the slightest hint of motion in his peripheral vision. Angling his head slightly, he stares in horror as a pale brown spider swiftly descends from its webline and vanishes under the passenger seat.

The assassins have found him. Poisonous arachnids planted in his car; a clear and unmistakable message: WE KNOW WHERE YOU ARE.

Death lurks around the corner; this may be his last transmission... for now.

	

	

	

				
culturecouture
				

		
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How compatible with me are YOU?

The irony that my two new housemates are among my least compatible friends is not lost on me. Heh. But culturecouture is still my bestest friend.

On the other hand...

	

	

	

				
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How sexually compatible with me are you?
Take the NEW sexual compatibility quiz at LJMatch!

All I can say is, it's good to see that fizrep is all the way at the bottom of this list. His unwholesome cravings for pudding, sheep, and the undead make him 100% incompatible with my kind.

EDIT: Updated 20 Feb 2004.

Comments

[lizature.livejournal.com]

if i were you i'd call an exterminator. scary!!
the other day i was in my car at a light and an albino ran across my dashboard. i picked up a piece of paper and squished him and threw them both on the floor. then i freaked out of course.
mid-freakout i looked into the car next to me and there was this guy looking at me cracking up. hahaha

[angledge.livejournal.com]

Then the taste hits me. I believe I now know where Iraq hid all its chemical weapons. They wrapped them up disguised as cookies and sold them to their Korean buddies. Insidious. Ingenius. And, unfortunately for me, disgusting.

This sounds like a job for our Bad Candy friends!!

"Tell him about the Twinkie..." "What about the Twinkie?"

[djdysfunction.livejournal.com]

Living in Palisades Park (or Or Little Seoul, as I sometimes refer to it), I often feel that I have had more exposure to Korean cuisine than your average schmuck. I’m not sure what you ate, but I think I may have eaten something similar. If it’s like what you described…. Kind of like a Scooter Pie, but gone terribly wrong? What color was the cake inside, or did you throw it across the room before you could determine that? I’m curious now… They do have some really good treats, such as Miffy, Pocky, the ever popular Crème Collon, Banana Chips, and those little cookie Koalas filled with chocolate. But some are rather risky, such as seafood snack chips, and some of the red bean paste filled pastries (though some of those are good…. It’s a crap shoot). Obviously, this bastardized Scooter Pie fits into the latter category. You have my sympathy.

Re: "Tell him about the Twinkie..." "What about the Twinkie?"

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Pocky is good, no question. And hey, a cookie koala filled with chocolate can't be all bad. But this was bad. Scooter Pie might not be such a bad description. It was some kind of yellowish-brown sponge cake, but definitely not vanilla flavored.

If you ate what I ate, then I feel for you. The trauma will live on.

Re: "Tell him about the Twinkie..." "What about the Twinkie?"

[thereject.livejournal.com]

Those little chocolate-filled crunchy koalas are awesome. I would sell my own mother into slavery for a small handful of them.

Re: "Tell him about the Twinkie..." "What about the Twinkie?"

[djdysfunction.livejournal.com]

HAHAHA

Yes, folks... They're THAT good!

Re: "Tell him about the Twinkie..." "What about the Twinkie?"

[lizature.livejournal.com]

ew, korean food can be nasty. remember that time that we ordered like $40 in korean food and it was so gross we threw it out and ordered Indian? Bleck.

Re: "Tell him about the Twinkie..." "What about the Twinkie?"

[djdysfunction.livejournal.com]

Sure that wasn't the Vietnamese food? I remember thinking that kind of sucked.

[thereject.livejournal.com]

thereject 4%

Awww yeah. You and me baby, we'll set the night on fire.

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Clearly, as you are SO much hotter than fizrep. Oh yeah.

[sharmel.livejournal.com]

69 DUDE!