Mechanically Monstrous Movies!
Sep. 14th, 2009 09:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chaosvizierAh September, how you vex me with an increased workload and weekend overtime... and yet, there is still time to contemplate local cinematic offerings. Let's get ready to rumble!
9
Most people have already stated a fairly accurate summary of this movie: Awesome Visuals, Crappy Plot. There's not too much more to be said about that; the plot and characters are fairly generic fare, and the visuals are indeed fantastic. So, let's move forward.
The movie is based on an award-winning short film, basically taking that film and making it nine times as large. The heroes are sock puppets. The villains are evil machines. The archvillain wants to suck out the souls of the heroes. And humanity is dead.
The trick here is that making a movie was the wrong idea. This should not have been a movie. Or rather, it should have remained a short film, and then the concept transformed into not a larger film, but rather a video game. Yes, a game. All the shortcomings of the film would be considered acceptable in a game - they're not often played for plot, and therefore even a half-assed plot is considered epic material in a game. Characters are also irrelevant in a game; pre-scripted cut scenes take care of the handful of times when story is warranted, and the rest of the time the player is playing the characters. And voila!
I personally see 9 as better transformed into a squad-based action RPG. Pit the team of nine sock puppets against the countless armies of The Machine, fighting boss battles against TerrorCat, RoboCrow, and HypnoSnake until you finally face off against The Brain. Play as 9, the everyman, or 7, the ninja ranger, or 8, the tank, or 2, the gadgeteer. Explore desolate wastelands! Scavenge for supplies and weapons! Fend off the armies of robots! Shit, I'd play this game. In my head, I already am.
To be fair, the movie does give plenty of chances to mention that 9's fly is down. Hee hee, 1st grade humor is always funny. Also, getting high off of magnetic waves is just as funny. And poor Frodo just can't play any "larger than life" characters.
It's a great movie to see. Just not always so great to listen to. Much like Transformers, the moment anyone actually speaks, things go down hill. Just let giant robots beat the crap out of each other like we're expecting! And same with the little sock puppet guys.
9
Most people have already stated a fairly accurate summary of this movie: Awesome Visuals, Crappy Plot. There's not too much more to be said about that; the plot and characters are fairly generic fare, and the visuals are indeed fantastic. So, let's move forward.
The movie is based on an award-winning short film, basically taking that film and making it nine times as large. The heroes are sock puppets. The villains are evil machines. The archvillain wants to suck out the souls of the heroes. And humanity is dead.
The trick here is that making a movie was the wrong idea. This should not have been a movie. Or rather, it should have remained a short film, and then the concept transformed into not a larger film, but rather a video game. Yes, a game. All the shortcomings of the film would be considered acceptable in a game - they're not often played for plot, and therefore even a half-assed plot is considered epic material in a game. Characters are also irrelevant in a game; pre-scripted cut scenes take care of the handful of times when story is warranted, and the rest of the time the player is playing the characters. And voila!
I personally see 9 as better transformed into a squad-based action RPG. Pit the team of nine sock puppets against the countless armies of The Machine, fighting boss battles against TerrorCat, RoboCrow, and HypnoSnake until you finally face off against The Brain. Play as 9, the everyman, or 7, the ninja ranger, or 8, the tank, or 2, the gadgeteer. Explore desolate wastelands! Scavenge for supplies and weapons! Fend off the armies of robots! Shit, I'd play this game. In my head, I already am.
To be fair, the movie does give plenty of chances to mention that 9's fly is down. Hee hee, 1st grade humor is always funny. Also, getting high off of magnetic waves is just as funny. And poor Frodo just can't play any "larger than life" characters.
It's a great movie to see. Just not always so great to listen to. Much like Transformers, the moment anyone actually speaks, things go down hill. Just let giant robots beat the crap out of each other like we're expecting! And same with the little sock puppet guys.
