"After that they had ten years of pestilence and plague!"

[chaosvizier]

Dear Swine Flu,

Hi there! I see you're reveling in your newfound celebrity today. You even rate a Pandemic Level Four Five with the World Health Organization. That's some pretty hot shit right there. I just want to advise you not to get too comfy up there in the spotlight. You might want to check out your friends SARS and Avian Flu. They were hot shit back in the day too, and look at them now. Folks can't even spell SARS anymore, it's that far under the radar. Your time will come soon enough. Now get out of the news; you're blocking my view of Air Force One playing a late April Fools Joke on Manhattan.

Sincerely,

chaosvizier

PS - Dear Media Outlets, please wake me up when velociraptor flu makes its debut. I think I'll start paying attention then.

Comments

[thornsilver]

I am trying to imagine circumstances that allow for existence of velociraptor flu. (Also, I kind of wonder if it turns people into velociraptors.)

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

That's why I figure I'll pay attention then. Either folks are turning into raptors, or there are raptors around spreading the flu. Either way, I'm not really concerned with the flu...

[fizrep.livejournal.com]

Your mother is a fluzy!

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

I pity the flool that don't take his medicine!

[vilnolin.livejournal.com]

i wanna catch the velociraptor flu. maybe i'd grow really awesome 6 inch killing claws on my middle toes and be super fast and vicious!

whooooo!

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

If anyone were to catch velociraptor flu, I know in my heart that you would be the first. ;-)

[vilnolin.livejournal.com]

which is just pure awesomeness!

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Clever girl! OM NOM NOM!

[vilnolin.livejournal.com]

yeah, you know my sisters, representing, taking out muldoon and all of his "african hunting" experience.

cause i'm top of the food chain.

the t rex thing at the end didn't count.

[lady-autumnstar.livejournal.com]

I'd travel by floo powder more often but the flue in my chimney hasn't been cleaned recently.

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

What a fluke that is!

[notevenu.livejournal.com]

LOLOLOL

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

I'm just sayin'. I was looking at some pigs the other day, and they didn't seem too concerned. They were just going about their business, makin' bacon. Mmmmm, bacon.

"But Charlotte..."

[jacesan.livejournal.com]

"I don't want to die!"

Re: "But Charlotte..."

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

A faaaaaaair is a veeeeeeritable smorgasbord orgasbord orgasbord!

Re: "But Charlotte..."

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

That's where a rat can glut, glut, glut, glut!

Re: "But Charlotte..."

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Truly my favorite childhood movie. Julia Roberts, how dare you try to usurp the position of Arachnoid Benefactor? Fie on thee!

[notevenu.livejournal.com]

I suddenly got a craving for a BLT!

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

There's never a wrong time for a BLT!

...shit, now I want one too. This is all your fault! ;-)

[wazira-sharira.livejournal.com]

I'm heavily considering metaquoting this. At least the part about velociraptor flu.

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

You may metaquote if you wish; it's a public post. ;-)

[barbarienne.livejournal.com]

It seems not to have happened, so I'll do it. It's fully deserving!

[barbarienne.livejournal.com]

I watched the Daily Show last night, and they were making fun of the channels who were fueling idiotic panic. Also, it was the first time I saw that the "Queens high school" that was the locus in NY was...mine.

Sheesh. I leave NY for a year, and the whole place goes to hell.

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

You leave pestilence in your wake! I dub thee Typhoid Mary, scourge of cities!

Now go see what you can do about Detroit. That place needs a healthy dose of tabula rasa right about now.

[fizrep.livejournal.com]

Taflula rasa?

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Quit your tomfloolery this instant!

[wiredwizard.livejournal.com]

If this Swine Flu thing makes me miss Wolverine & Star Trek in the theatres, I will have to take my sword (which one I have yet to decide) & smite things.

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Let nothing stand in the way of my seeing Wolvie and Spocko on screen. I don't care if the theaters are full of anthrax, tuberculosis, and the plague. MUST HAVE CINEMATIC ACTION!

[wiredwizard.livejournal.com]

No kidding. I only manage to get out of the house 2x a month, so cinematic action is very important to me.

Swine Flu Takes its Terrible Toll

[triplemare.livejournal.com]

Re: Swine Flu Takes its Terrible Toll

[jacesan.livejournal.com]

Re: Swine Flu Takes its Terrible Toll

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

That looks more like a case of Mad Pig Disease. But still, CRAZY BACON! I'd still eat it.

Re: Swine Flu Takes its Terrible Toll

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

How now, sad sow?

[drlaurac.livejournal.com]

EXACTLY!
Or the Zombie flu!

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Zombie Flu is definitely worth media attention. Pig flu? Less so.

But even worse when flu strains transform and mutate and we get... ZOMBIERAPTOR FLU! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

[agent-alpo.livejournal.com]

Ha. Funny.

I was getting really tired of people on my friends list making Captain Tripps references. Because really? Captain Tripps wiped out an entire military base in less than a week and 99.4% of the world's population in 19 days. Swine flu, on the other hand, has only killed people in Mexico and has been floating around for longer than 19 days. It's not fucking Captain Tripps people! So STFU.

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Exaaaaactly. Keep your Stephen King jibba-jabba in the library where it belongs! This is reality, and in real life, we panic over NOTHING!

[teacup-werewolf.livejournal.com]

Until we get undead roaming around a mass body count of 60 daily in the US...we have nothing to worry about

I will thank the pig flu for getting me into Panademic

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Damn dirty zombies. Always trying to be The Next Big Thing in epidemics. Why can't they just be happy in their earthen prisons? Why they gotta be hatin'?

[flawed-karma.livejournal.com]

I was talking to an online acquaintance about Swine Flu. Her neighborhood had its first reported case. In the school she does daycare at.

"I'll be okay," claims she, a childcare worker. "I'm a vegan. I don't eat pork."

...or have two brain cells to rub together, obviously.

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well, she'll be sorry when Broccoli Flu makes its rounds, boy howdy!