chaosvizier (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
chaosvizier) wrote2009-05-12 08:45 am
chaosvizier) wrote2009-05-12 08:45 am
Entry tags:
Multi-Million Dollar Movies!
With two of the season's biggest draws in my head, it's time to give them their fair review and see what happened. More is yet to come, of course; Terminator Salvation, Transformers, Angels and Demons, G.I.Joe, and more all demand attention. Let's hear it for action!
But first, let's see what we have already.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
The X-Men- young mutants feared and hated by a world they've sworn to protect, yada yada. The success of the X-Men film franchise is not linked to its writing, or the moral dilemmas they attempt to face and solve; rather, I think it comes from the actors chosen to play the key roles. No one is going to dispute the prowess of Patrick Stewart or Ian McKellan, but the real surprise lay in newly discovered actor Hugh Jackman and his portrayal of the savage and worldly Wolverine, a man whose bones were laced with indestructible adamantium, who had metal claws coming out of his hands, and whose body regenerated itself so completely that wounds vanished in moments and even age was slowed to a crawl. Here was a character that the audiences went crazy for, and so, in classic movie fashion, he got a spin-off.
Spin-off: That's movie/TV-talk for "We've milked this series dry; where can we go from there?" Sometimes spin-offs work: M*A*S*H the TV show led to Trapper John MD. Cheers led to Frasier. And sometimes they don't work: The Mummy led to The Scorpion King. The X-Files led to The Lone Gunmen. On a scale of crap to awesome, "Wolverine" falls into the higher end. Not the highest, but close.
The plot: Wolverine kills people, stops killing, falls in love, starts killing again, and makes all the ladies in the audience swoon. He's the best at what he does.
The pros: If you're making a Wolverine movie, then you'd better have a lot of action and fighting. On this count, they certainly do not fail. If you're playing the Wolverine character, you have to be gruff and tough and kick some impressive ass. Hugh Jackman has been doing this well for several years now, and continues to lay it on. And finally, if you're making up crazy stuff about Wolverine's origins, you might as well throw in as many cameos as you can find. It looks like the directors grabbed a Marvel Character Encyclopedia, grabbed ten random names, and made them characters. And some of these characters work. Liev Schreiber is a perfectly villainous Sabretooth, the foil to Jackman's Wolverine and yet a strange ally. (Hard to imagine that he was so doofy and young in "Scream"...) Ryan Reynolds gets pitifully minimul screentime as the talkative Wade Wilson, which is a shame. And look, Merry from LOTR is getting work again! As a bonus, the storyline is surprisingly decent (for a spinoff of a series with average scripts) up until the end, and it follows as logically as a comic book plot could.
The cons: Extreme fans of Deadpool will be made sad. Extreme fans of Gambit will probably also be made sad. Maybe even fans of general Marvel Canon will be made sad. These are given. Let's move on. Some of the special effects are a bit weak, the story at the end is not as strong as the buildup in the beginning and the middle, the "plot hook" to get Logan to go from Happy to Angry is poorly thought out, and Deadpool getting better after his head gets chopped off is just too much. Also, I never liked Gambit; he's so overrated. Really, what this boils down to is "another turn-your-brain-off-at-the-door-and-enjoy-the-action movie". By my standards, that's great. But then again, my standards are notoriously low.
The verdict: Good clean simple fun. With a high body count. That's pretty much what you should have expected.
Disclaimer: There's a scene where Wolverine is running naked through a lab and forest. The smell of estrogen within the theater was so potent, I grew B-cups. Hugh Jackman's mutant power is painfully obvious.
Disclaimer: So, if the adamantium covers the bones, and the claws are actually natural bones, then how do the cylindrical-and-pointy bone claws become razor-thin blades? Even the comic doesn't answer that. Wankers.
Star Trek
The best way to describe this movie is by calling it a rebooting of the franchise. Witness "Batman Begins" and "Casino Royale" as examples of movies attempting to breathe new life into a well-known and well-worn series. Note also that both of these movies were large successes, and began their second-generation franchise series anew with good sequels. I honestly feel that we can now add this year's "Star Trek" to the list of successful franchise reboot movies.
But wait! That's not all! J.J.Abrams has put on an extra-large set of brass balls and tried to make the new series more accessible to everyone. In the past, a lot of people probably agree that "Star Trek" movies were for "Trekkies" and other sci-fi fans. This new-and-improved model is much more active, more energetic, and more... youthful than the other films. If you've never seen a Star Trek film/episode/whatever before, you can start right here, completely ignorant, and not feel like you're losing out on anything. And that's a good thing, no matter what the old-school hard-core fans might think.
(Will the movie spawn a reborn TV series? That question is beyond me... but I'd settle for just more movies. TV Trek is a dead horse that even this film cannot resurrect.)
The plot: Time travellers, the bane of all plot points, try to change the past and create an alternate history. And, umm, they succeed? Also, Kirk has sex. At least some things never change.
The pros: Like I said above, this is Trek For Everyone. You need zero knowledge to come to this movie and appreciate it for an adventure in space, in which an unlikely group of characters come together through chance and circumstance to form a team and face a serious challenge. It's like "Heroes", without superpowers, and in space. Ok, it's nothing like Heroes. Move on. Trek For Everyone, however, has a lot of bonuses for the fans of ST:TOS (that's Star Trek: The Original Series, for those outside of Trekkie vernacular). All the key quotes are there: "Beam me up", "Hailing frequencies open", "Live long and prosper", "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a [something]", and many more. The guy in the red shirt dies. Kirk has sex with an alien. Pavel Andreivich Chekov cannot pronounce the letter V (even though his name contains three V's; irony is silly sometimes). Sulu uses a sword. All the classic bits are there, they just have a shiny new paint job. And that's okay. Finally, the actors do a great job filling their characters' well-worn shoes: most people will give props to Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto as Kirk and Spock, but I'll throw an extra shoutout to Karl "Eomer" Urban as Dr. McCoy, the gruff space-fearing doctor who, with Kirk and Spock, rounds out the most impressive trio ever put on screen.
The mids: The most important point that all the complaining old school fans have to remember is this: THIS IS AN ALTERNATE HISTORY, IN WHICH THINGS ARE DIFFERENT. That is, literally, the plot of the story. Nero is from the future in another timeline, where Captain Kirk and Spock and co. are the people we all know and love. Now Nero is travelling backwards in time, to change history in his favor. The result is this: the same people, changed, in a new and yet slightly altered situations. Hence, the "reimagining" of Star Trek History, while still acknowledging what we remember as the "original" history. Move along!
The cons: I hate time travel, just out ofprincipal DURRR! principle. If that's what they feel is necessary to start the franchise anew, so be it. But still... cheeky. The scientific hoobajoob "red matter" is a pretty flimsy plot device, which is perhaps the one unfortunate continuity with good old fashioned Star Trek. Instant black hole! Just add... space blood? Or something? Quoi? Uhura's romantic attachment to Spock is thrown in to perhaps make things more... sexy for viewers, but really: she's a student and he's her professor, and then she's an ensign and he's a commander, and she starts super-smooching him in the elevator, and WHOA DOGGIE UNPROFESSIONAL! Finally, Simon Pegg as Scotty is excellent, and the only negative is that I would have loved to have him on screen even more.
The verdict: If you like the classic "people unite, meld into a team, and defeat world-threatening challenge" storyline, then this movie is for you, regardless of how much Trek you know.
Disclaimer: OH GOD I AM SUCH A NERD WUSS I TEARED UP AT THE END WHEN SPOCK SAID "SPACE: THE FINAL FRONTIER". DESPITE THE FACT THAT MY PENIS FELL OFF I STILL HAD A HUGE NERD BONER SO I GUESS IT WAS OK.
Disclaimer: Going out to a Scottish pub for dinner afterwards where the waiter spoke JUST LIKE SCOTTY did nothing for my case of the giggles. I should have thought that through in advance.
Disclaimer: Vulcan bullies are funny. There's really no getting around that. Also, ANGRY SPOCK IS ANGRY.
Disclaimer: Wynona Ryder? NNNNOOOOOOOO! We hardly knew you!
Edit: Man, I fail at dork. I can't believe that, when Vulcan was being trashed, I didn't say "I sense a great disturbance in the Force, like millions of pointy-eared computers calmly and rationally facing their deaths, and then suddenly silenced." I did, however, think that someone on the bridge should have called Spock "the pointy-eared boss" when he took the chair.
But first, let's see what we have already.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
The X-Men- young mutants feared and hated by a world they've sworn to protect, yada yada. The success of the X-Men film franchise is not linked to its writing, or the moral dilemmas they attempt to face and solve; rather, I think it comes from the actors chosen to play the key roles. No one is going to dispute the prowess of Patrick Stewart or Ian McKellan, but the real surprise lay in newly discovered actor Hugh Jackman and his portrayal of the savage and worldly Wolverine, a man whose bones were laced with indestructible adamantium, who had metal claws coming out of his hands, and whose body regenerated itself so completely that wounds vanished in moments and even age was slowed to a crawl. Here was a character that the audiences went crazy for, and so, in classic movie fashion, he got a spin-off.
Spin-off: That's movie/TV-talk for "We've milked this series dry; where can we go from there?" Sometimes spin-offs work: M*A*S*H the TV show led to Trapper John MD. Cheers led to Frasier. And sometimes they don't work: The Mummy led to The Scorpion King. The X-Files led to The Lone Gunmen. On a scale of crap to awesome, "Wolverine" falls into the higher end. Not the highest, but close.
The plot: Wolverine kills people, stops killing, falls in love, starts killing again, and makes all the ladies in the audience swoon. He's the best at what he does.
The pros: If you're making a Wolverine movie, then you'd better have a lot of action and fighting. On this count, they certainly do not fail. If you're playing the Wolverine character, you have to be gruff and tough and kick some impressive ass. Hugh Jackman has been doing this well for several years now, and continues to lay it on. And finally, if you're making up crazy stuff about Wolverine's origins, you might as well throw in as many cameos as you can find. It looks like the directors grabbed a Marvel Character Encyclopedia, grabbed ten random names, and made them characters. And some of these characters work. Liev Schreiber is a perfectly villainous Sabretooth, the foil to Jackman's Wolverine and yet a strange ally. (Hard to imagine that he was so doofy and young in "Scream"...) Ryan Reynolds gets pitifully minimul screentime as the talkative Wade Wilson, which is a shame. And look, Merry from LOTR is getting work again! As a bonus, the storyline is surprisingly decent (for a spinoff of a series with average scripts) up until the end, and it follows as logically as a comic book plot could.
The cons: Extreme fans of Deadpool will be made sad. Extreme fans of Gambit will probably also be made sad. Maybe even fans of general Marvel Canon will be made sad. These are given. Let's move on. Some of the special effects are a bit weak, the story at the end is not as strong as the buildup in the beginning and the middle, the "plot hook" to get Logan to go from Happy to Angry is poorly thought out, and Deadpool getting better after his head gets chopped off is just too much. Also, I never liked Gambit; he's so overrated. Really, what this boils down to is "another turn-your-brain-off-at-the-door-and-enjoy-the-action movie". By my standards, that's great. But then again, my standards are notoriously low.
The verdict: Good clean simple fun. With a high body count. That's pretty much what you should have expected.
Disclaimer: There's a scene where Wolverine is running naked through a lab and forest. The smell of estrogen within the theater was so potent, I grew B-cups. Hugh Jackman's mutant power is painfully obvious.
Disclaimer: So, if the adamantium covers the bones, and the claws are actually natural bones, then how do the cylindrical-and-pointy bone claws become razor-thin blades? Even the comic doesn't answer that. Wankers.
Star Trek
The best way to describe this movie is by calling it a rebooting of the franchise. Witness "Batman Begins" and "Casino Royale" as examples of movies attempting to breathe new life into a well-known and well-worn series. Note also that both of these movies were large successes, and began their second-generation franchise series anew with good sequels. I honestly feel that we can now add this year's "Star Trek" to the list of successful franchise reboot movies.
But wait! That's not all! J.J.Abrams has put on an extra-large set of brass balls and tried to make the new series more accessible to everyone. In the past, a lot of people probably agree that "Star Trek" movies were for "Trekkies" and other sci-fi fans. This new-and-improved model is much more active, more energetic, and more... youthful than the other films. If you've never seen a Star Trek film/episode/whatever before, you can start right here, completely ignorant, and not feel like you're losing out on anything. And that's a good thing, no matter what the old-school hard-core fans might think.
(Will the movie spawn a reborn TV series? That question is beyond me... but I'd settle for just more movies. TV Trek is a dead horse that even this film cannot resurrect.)
The plot: Time travellers, the bane of all plot points, try to change the past and create an alternate history. And, umm, they succeed? Also, Kirk has sex. At least some things never change.
The pros: Like I said above, this is Trek For Everyone. You need zero knowledge to come to this movie and appreciate it for an adventure in space, in which an unlikely group of characters come together through chance and circumstance to form a team and face a serious challenge. It's like "Heroes", without superpowers, and in space. Ok, it's nothing like Heroes. Move on. Trek For Everyone, however, has a lot of bonuses for the fans of ST:TOS (that's Star Trek: The Original Series, for those outside of Trekkie vernacular). All the key quotes are there: "Beam me up", "Hailing frequencies open", "Live long and prosper", "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a [something]", and many more. The guy in the red shirt dies. Kirk has sex with an alien. Pavel Andreivich Chekov cannot pronounce the letter V (even though his name contains three V's; irony is silly sometimes). Sulu uses a sword. All the classic bits are there, they just have a shiny new paint job. And that's okay. Finally, the actors do a great job filling their characters' well-worn shoes: most people will give props to Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto as Kirk and Spock, but I'll throw an extra shoutout to Karl "Eomer" Urban as Dr. McCoy, the gruff space-fearing doctor who, with Kirk and Spock, rounds out the most impressive trio ever put on screen.
The mids: The most important point that all the complaining old school fans have to remember is this: THIS IS AN ALTERNATE HISTORY, IN WHICH THINGS ARE DIFFERENT. That is, literally, the plot of the story. Nero is from the future in another timeline, where Captain Kirk and Spock and co. are the people we all know and love. Now Nero is travelling backwards in time, to change history in his favor. The result is this: the same people, changed, in a new and yet slightly altered situations. Hence, the "reimagining" of Star Trek History, while still acknowledging what we remember as the "original" history. Move along!
The cons: I hate time travel, just out of
The verdict: If you like the classic "people unite, meld into a team, and defeat world-threatening challenge" storyline, then this movie is for you, regardless of how much Trek you know.
Disclaimer: OH GOD I AM SUCH A NERD WUSS I TEARED UP AT THE END WHEN SPOCK SAID "SPACE: THE FINAL FRONTIER". DESPITE THE FACT THAT MY PENIS FELL OFF I STILL HAD A HUGE NERD BONER SO I GUESS IT WAS OK.
Disclaimer: Going out to a Scottish pub for dinner afterwards where the waiter spoke JUST LIKE SCOTTY did nothing for my case of the giggles. I should have thought that through in advance.
Disclaimer: Vulcan bullies are funny. There's really no getting around that. Also, ANGRY SPOCK IS ANGRY.
Disclaimer: Wynona Ryder? NNNNOOOOOOOO! We hardly knew you!
Edit: Man, I fail at dork. I can't believe that, when Vulcan was being trashed, I didn't say "I sense a great disturbance in the Force, like millions of pointy-eared computers calmly and rationally facing their deaths, and then suddenly silenced." I did, however, think that someone on the bridge should have called Spock "the pointy-eared boss" when he took the chair.
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What are the Star Trek rules about fraternization? All kinds of unethical stuff going on there, but is it logical? And we've seen him lose control of his emotions twice now, wonder what'll happen when Uhura pushes him over the edge. Should make for some interesting slash-fic; wonder what's in the alt.sex.fetish.startrek archives :)
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I think Trek's fraternization rules are like "Captain may sex up anyone. Vulcans are boring. Short skirts are awesome. Captain can keep on sexin'." Spock was Captain at the time, so it was ok.
"So... her name's Nyota?"
"This topic is not open for discussion at this time."
"Ok then."
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They are denying Karl Urban one of his best selling points!
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Kidding... but I just didn't like Enterprise. I think the new movie is what Enterprise aspired to be: a return to the roots, but all fresh and new and stuff.
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*sigh* I need to finish writing about Star Trek on my journal. The Red Matter thing really pissed me off. Why not just call it MacGuffaniam for all of the explanation they gave?
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Red Matter was lame, but it looked tasty, like a candy apple. OM NOM NOM OH NO SINGULARITY'D!!!
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"you look like a man drinking to forget"
"no, I am drinking to remember"
Piece of crap ending
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...huh huh, balls.
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i'm not sure who the hell he was...but he kinda looked like gambit, and sometimes sounded like gambit...sometimes...if you listened really really hard.
and when did gambit become telekenetic? the whole flying cards thing was NOT in the comics. he THREW cards, not magically made them float cause he wanted to.
Gambit from comics and cartoons=awesomeness. gambit from movie= dead fish.
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i loved this movie!!!
i loved thw whole spoke meet spock thing at the end too (which you didn;t mention ::pout::)
and, at first, i thought i was going crazy cause i thought i had my star trek mythos mixed up. then i caught on and was like "oh! a time travel plot where they actually change shit? WOW!!"
tho...i did miss the fact that zach!spock didn't say "i have been, and forever will be, your friend". it made me sad. but then again, perhaps we just need nimoy!spock's voice for it.
this movie made me squee. i just didn't like they killed off like, ALL the vulcans. then again, when making an alternate timeline, you have to go full throttle. (kinda reminds me of the several stargate sg1 eps where they ventured into alternate timelines...)
i agree though. AWESOMEST MOVIE EVER!!
(my MOM even said it was the best movie she's ever seen in her life.)
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It makes sense for Zach to not say that, because his Spock hasn't done that yet.
I was kinda bummed about Vulcan too, because, hey, it's friggin' VULCAN, maybe the second most important planet in the Federation after Earth itself, and now, SPLODEY. But that's J.J.Abrams for you- he wasn't holding anything back.
I hope one day you get cast in a Trek movie. Best little sister ever, times eleventy-billion! ;-)
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KIDDING! Haha, don't tell your mom I said that.
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I enjoyed it, as a fun turn-your-brain-off action flick. I especially enjoyed the final 3-way fight scene.
Who's Deadpool?
I never liked Gambit... until this movie. I always thought he was a wanker with a stupid accent who threw cards. This was an improvement. (I never read the comics, only saw some of the cartoons.)
My biggest complaint is that they listed Will.I.am in the opening credits, and then every time he came on screen I got a Black Eyed Peas song stuck in my head.
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Will.I.Am is filled with wholesome goodness and black peaness. And that's more terrible than I could have imagined.
In the movie, Deadpool is Weapon XI. In the comics, Deadpool is still Wade Wilson, and I think part of the Weapon X program, although I don't know for sure. In the comic he's a smartass, wisecracking mercenary character who uses 4th wall humor and is generally wacky. The Wade you get at the very beginning is a taste of what he's like.
Star Trek
Loved the new Uhura... funny enough, I know a girl that could pass for her...
Re: Star Trek
Find a girl with green skin and red hair, and THEN we're talking business!
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I did not cry at that part.
(I cried at the beginning, when George Kirk dies. I'm a sucker for a good noble sacrifice.)
Re Spock/Uhura: I thought that was a great pairing, but I had the same thought you did: Hello, this is highly inappropriate! He's her prof, he seriously outranks her, they work in close proximity on the same ship, and he's what--twice her age, at minimum? (Regardless of the false simultaneity they put on Kirk's and Spock's childhoods, logic would indicate he had graduated from the academy long before Uhura ever even applied.)
I guess the Federation has no rules about fraternization or inappropriate power levels.
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(You're still a softie and I still remember you getting all verklempt at that one Pixar pre-movie cartoon with the guy and the baby bird.)
I even forgot about the whole "Spock is way older than her because Vulcans have longer lifespans and stuff" bit. See, even more inappropriate! Then again, I guess bagging a Vulcan is easier than bagging a green-skinned chick.
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Principle, NOT principal.
Schmuck.
:)
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(I did get suckered into a land war in Asia once, but I was playing Civilization, and I had tanks and the other guy had cavalry. I did okay. ;-) )
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Cheeky JJ. He does get credit for this movie, nonetheless. And Cloverfield was good too. However, he loses oodles for Mission Impossible 3. And probably a few extra minuses for Felicity, just because. In fact, another minus for Lost, even if everyone likes it. Wanker.
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You're right- it wasn't "Deadpool: The Movie". However, of all Stryker's soldiers, Wade and Victor were the ones with the most personality. Wade's development could have gone further. But it's not really that important. And the final "Deadpool" was just designed to be a Boss-level badass, which he was. Even though surviving a headectomy is still a no-go in my book. ;-)
Omega Red would have been pretty badass, though. I guess they thought people would think "Oh, he's just a Doctor Octopus ripoff".
The Weapon facility does get destroyed, yes. However, the Adamantium Binding facility is different, and that's the one that is hidden underground and is used in X2. So I think that's ok. ;-)
I guess future Romulans who lost their planet go BATSHIT INSANE. ROMULAN SMASH GRRAAAAARRR! Plus, these dudes were blue-collar Romulans- they're just a bunch of wankers on a mining ship. Definitely not ruling-class praetorians or anything. Just your average Joe Q. Romulan, smashin' a planet, havin' a Bud. True. True.
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I believe Ensign Ricky Redshirt's name was "Olsen." Which still made me burst out laughing when Captain Pike was all "Kirk, Sulu, and Ensign Olsen will space jump ..."
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See, I hate time travel but like the new parallel timeline, because I very much liked their philosophy here: "All right, fellas! What made Star Trek truly great?" "SPOCK!" "Right! So in order to make new Star Trek EVEN GREATER, then logically, heh heh, we should ADD MORE SPOCK."
Ensign Ricky's death cracked me up so much. Star Trek has the WEIRDEST fanservice.
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Good point, thought: twice the Spock is even better than one Spock! SPOCK ON!
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I think I need to see this movie again, it was that awesome. IMAX Trek is HUGE!!!
I didn't even mind Scotty's sidekick. Normally stupid sidekicks get the Frown Of Disapproval from me, but somehow this was ok. Maybe because he was really only in 3 scenes and had two lines of dialogue. I don't know. I was still more putoff by Uhura The Cunning Linguist giving Spock a tonsillectomy.
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Seeing it on the IMAX was bad-ass! Especially since I went with my brothers, and when Ensign Red Shirt appeared, we shared a sibling moment of geeky glee as we giggled over his fate. We're sick, we are.
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