I like animals. It's true. I don't really want a pet, and I must admit that animals are also tasty. But in general, animals are fun. I'm going to leave insects out of the general "animal" equation for the moment, because they can be real dicks sometimes. We'll focus on mammals, because they're fuzzy.

And now, fun with animals! (photo and alt-text heavy; be forewarned...) )
Previously, our intrepid heroes [livejournal.com profile] fizrep and [livejournal.com profile] chaosvizier, accompanied by the stalwart heroines AB and HG, braved the wilds of Northern California. Of Nature they partook, and took part, and it was good. But their travels continued...

More pictures! More story! More gobbledygook! )
So, last month I went on vacation to that West Coast I hear we have. You might already be asking, "Gee, update on time much?" Yeah, well, sometimes you just get lazy. Just for that, here's a long photo-intensive story. Serves you right.

Long and Photo-Intensive Story is hidden behind this cut tag. Beware, oh ye of weak bandwidth and limited attention spans! )
Summer continues to offer tasty Hollywood dreck for our mass consumption, and I cannot help but consume. Besides, it's better with cartoons. Really.

Over The Hedge

Spoilers, shmoilers; you know how this goes. It's a cartoon; there's nothing to miss. )
Welcome once again to the Theatre of Excessive Hyperbole, wherein the serious, the absurd, and the absurdly serious are mixed together for results unimaginable. But be forewarned! These tales are not for the faint of heart. Dread deeds, vegetarianism and mathematics most malignant occupy these pages before you. Enter at your own peril!

Actually, it's not too perilous. Maybe just a little peril. The pictures might be perilous if you're all low bandwidth and shit. )
As I mentioned yesterday, this past weekend there was a wedding.

Now I'll tell the tale of the actual wedding. )
Link courtesy of [livejournal.com profile] fizrep:

Don't click if you're into animal rights and PETA and all that stuff.

Now, the issue is not really what is being sold here. The real question is, what is it that makes Labor Day the perfect time for a 25% discount on such a product?

I have no good answer here.
Once again, comedy moviedom rears its ugly head and demands cheese. And I, for one, will heed that call, and give you a movie made entirely of cheese and vegetables.

Wallace And Gromit: The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit

I just reviewed a claymation movie two weeks ago. How odd... Is the claypocalypse upon us? )
As mentioned by others today and finally directly linked to by [livejournal.com profile] tangel, I bring you a tale of all-natural live-action yaoi hentai.

The article is reprinted below. I've bolded the parts that really require careful reading and attention. )
Well, this might come as a shock to anyone who's contemplated my myriad movie musings, but every once in a while I can settle down, step away from special-effects laden action flicks, turn off my addiction to Bad Movie Plots, and get in some good old-fashioned learning. Hell, it surprises me too. But wonder no more- culture and education strike even here. And how!

March Of The Penguins (La Marche de l'Empereur)

It's not spoiling if it's a documentary, I figure... )
Monday started off as a nice day. A bit busy at work, but it's to be expected, and then some really good Chinese food for dinner and back to [livejournal.com profile] katieledge's apartment to rest up, do some writing, and relax. She's fresh out of her first day at a new job, really excited, and all is well.

Until I see it.

Now, New York City is what it is. A big, big, BIG city. Which comes with its inevitable set of problems, one of which is vermin. Everyone in New York has seen cockroaches. They come with the territory. They live in your apartments. They bogart your leftovers. They don't pay rent. They're assholes.

However, in addition to las cucarachas, New York City has rats. Well, many places have rats. But NYC rats are actually capable of buying a Metrocard and riding the subway, they're that big. They can climb building walls like Peter Parker. They spread disease like that kid in third grade who got the chicken pox first and then gave it to everyone else in class. They are not cute like those white lab rats you can keep as a pet. Some of them even habla espaƱol.

The difference between a rat and a cockroach is the ease with which one may terminate said creature. It's easy to stomp a roach. Killing a rat with your bare hands is much more challenging.

So, there we were. And out of the corner of my eye I catch a glimpse of something moving. Lo and behold- rat. In the apartment. Just skulking around, doing its rat thing.

I know that somehow I have to get rid of it.

I haven't watched Sigourney Weaver kick ass in "Aliens" 139 times for nothing, though. I deck myself out in sneakers, heavy pants, and thick winter gloves, grab a shoebox, and return to the living room. [livejournal.com profile] katieledge wields a broom menacingly. My plan was to trap the rat in the shoebox and escort it outside. But the rat was wise, and had moved out of the living room. It took several minutes to relocate the intruder, sitting in the kitchen on a dustpan next to the boxy rat trap thing the exterminator had set up two weeks before. I contemplate how to get the shoebox around the rat, perhaps at the expense of the dustpan. But the rat saves us the trouble and moves into the trap. I consider my options. [livejournal.com profile] katieledge saves me the trouble of thought and says "Throw it out. The whole thing. Out the window."

I look out the window. Alleyway far below. Four stories below, to be precise. The rat is still chittering around in the trap.

I grab the trap. The rat sticks its head out and looks up. "Hey, what're you up to?" it asks with a perfect Brooklyn accent.

*TOSS*

Next time, I might not have a rat trap so conveniently at hand. Must learn to counter the evil power of Rat-Fu. But for now, I have triumphed over the evil forces of nature. And life returns to normal.
Inspired by ferrets and other animals, I am compelled to write a story. A story from ages hence, when dinosaurs ruled the earth, when the Internet was but a twinkle in Al Gore's eye, and when [livejournal.com profile] chaosvizier was in college. That's right, college.

Holy shit, college ended more than ten years ago for me. I'm fucking ancient.

This entry is cut-tagged because animals get injured and die. If you hate that sort of thing, don't click here. Seriously. )
Dear Charles,

I think the fact that you wanted to climb on my lap and curl up and sleep there was a sign of our ever-strengthening diplomatic and personal ties, and it was most heartfelt and welcome.
So cute and peaceful here...
However, the fact that you also wanted to knead your sharp pointy claws into my Manly Parts (tm) was not conducive to improving our relations. Please understand that my very sudden jumping up and, in doing so, accidentally tossing you sideways was in no way a declaration of hostility, but merely a reaction of shock and discomfort that will not be repeated again as long as you follow one simple set of directions: NO CLAWS ON MY ROCK OF GIBRALTAR, THANKYOUVERYMUCH.

Your fellow housemate,
[livejournal.com profile] chaosvizier
Morning. The bane of humankind, that seemingly endless moment in time where you have emerged from your happy cocoon of sleep and warmth and step wearily into the cold harsh reality of Outside.

Mornings are overrated. But one must suffer them, for the most part, in order to get to Work, which has a habit of paying you well if you show up on time.

So, it is morning, this morning in fact. And [livejournal.com profile] katieledge steps out of her apartment and immediately makes an "ew ew ew ew ew" sound, with a small dance routine attached, that signaled surprise and potential disgust. This being New York City, there are a number of immediately obvious possible causes, and as I look down, I see Possible Cause Number Three: one (1) motionless rodent.

"We should... remove it or something?" she suggests hesitantly. The implied meaning was "YOU should remove it or something." I'm not stupid.

Scavenging through my pockets reveals a small plastic bag. Perfect- I can use it as a glove, secure the corpse, wrap it up, and toss it in the trash. So on goes the faux glove, and I grab hold of the tiny mouse body.

"SQUEE SQUEE SQUEE!" declares the mouse body.

"Eeeeeeeeeep!" declares [livejournal.com profile] katieledge. Cue dance routine number two.

One has to wonder what caused the mouse to pass out in front of the door and lie there motionless for the night. I imagine a big mouse kegger on the fourth floor, and this little chap had a few too many Mouseweisers and stumbled into unconsciousness next to a door that he thought might offer good refuge for those of inebriated status. Granted, he did choose the right door...

Anyway, despite the liveliness of the mouse body, I manage to remain unperturbed, and wrap the now slightly squirming non-corpse in the bag and toss it in the trash. Animal-friendly persons may note that I did NOT completely smother the mouse in plastic to suffocate it. I suspect when he finally recovers from his hangover and does a "Jebus, where the HELL did I end up?" he'll reform his ways and give up the sauce for good. My good deed for the day is complete.
Once you stop the business part of a trip, the country becomes much more interesting.

How much more interesting? Let's find out! )
Tourist attractions aside, nothing beats the raw splendor of Nature.

Mother Nature- check out all her majesty! )

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