Apparently the movie "The Fifth Element" is twenty years old. Apparently also, I am frigging ancient. Get off my lawn, you young whippersnappers!

That being said, they were showing the director's cut of the film in celebration, and I'm down with some young Bruce Willis and some Milla Jovovich, with Gary Oldman thrown in for good measure. So there you have it.

How is this movie, you might ask, if you haven't seen it already once in the past 20 years?

Good question.

Twenty years? That's as many as two tens. And that's terrible. )
So, Guardians of the Galaxy 2 came out, and Marvel, in its infinite wisdom, arranged for some theatres to show a GotG double feature playing them back to back. And, since the first one was a hoot, and since it was practically my birthday, I said "this is my present to me, and it's happening", and then it happened.

Let's review:

Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 1


Intermission: There was a half-hour break between movies. But, as the credits for GotG1 started rolling, a loud whistle resounded in the theatre. It was not from the credits. It sounded real. And then Michael "Yondu" Rooker walked in and said hi to everyone. HOLY SHIT HE REALLY DOES THE WHISTLE THING. And he was cool and tried phoning in to video chat with James Gunn but technology failed him so he just talked about the movie for a few minutes and they took a video for Disney's movie page and away he went. Surprise Yondu: the best kind of Yondu.

And then...

Guardians of the Galaxy vol.2

And in today's offering from last year, we have one of 2016's more controversial action extravaganzas, and I'll let you in on a wee secret: CONTROVERSY IS DUMB.

Shocking, isn't it?

Let's have a look-see at what happens when the internet explodes.


I ain't afraid of no ghosts, but women, oh no, those things are scary. )
It's movie time! The non-summer blockbuster season is out in full force, and high up on the list is a rebooting of one of the classic creature features: King Kong. And boy have we moved far past the days of a giant ape hanging on the Empire State Building...

Kong: Skull Island

No monkeys were harmed in the filming of this movie. Andy Serkis was not motion captured for this purpose... for once. )
Four entries in six days? This is unheard of, wot wot!

Today, [ profile] lovellama went old-school and wanted me to review the movie 'Predator'. An Arnold Schwarzenegger movie? YES I CAN.

There is never a wrong time for an Ahnold movie. )

In summary, part two: Billy was the best character. All hail Billy.
Remember, remember, the meme of November!

In today's episode, [ profile] i_calql8 inquires about my movie review of 'V for Vendetta'. Tomorrow's episode is still open for discussion, so come on by! Even if you already chose a day, fuck it, take a second day! Be greedy!


In summary: Colliwobbles.
Another day, another blog entry with a special topic/question to be handled. Want me to talk about something specific? There's plenty of chances! Hell, take a second spot, I'm not picky.

Anyway, for today's topic, [ profile] bending_sickle thinks I should talk about horror movies: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

This entry will be presented in SPOOOOOOOKYVISION! )

In summary: Don't go to Japan because their ghosts will seriously fuck your shit up, I'm not even kidding.
I was challenged to hit up Netflix and watch something campy and cheesy. Specifically, "Zombeavers". Yes, it's about zombie beavers. Yes, I am drinking. No, I'm probably not drinking enough. [ profile] bending_sickle will owe me for this one.

And so, without further ado, here's the play-by-play of...*drumroll*


I mean, really, on the list of terrible ideas I've had, this isn't even top ten material. But that doesn't make this a good idea. Not by any stretch of the imagination. )
Decades later, the Mad Max series returns to the big screen with a big action-packed something (sequel? remake? other?) to remind us that, even years in the future, Australia is still 99% made of things that want to kill you.

Mad Max: Fury Road

There's only one road ever visible in this movie, so I guess that's Fury Road, just off of Anger Avenue and Pissed-Off Lane. )
What's big in the theaters today? Everything! No, that's not true. It's just another Marvel blockbuster for your enjoyment. Let's see what our evil buddy Ultron has to say.

Avengers: Age of Ultron

Good guys win, bad guys lose... that pretty much sums up most superhero films. This is no exception. )
I've seen a lot of movies lately, and talked about none of them because I'm a slacker. But it's a new year, and I should post more in this new year, even though a quarter of it is already gone, and so much for that goal. But whatever. Let's talk about movies!

Oodles of movies here. I like the word oodles. I also like noodles. Do I therefore like oodles of noodles? Indoodleably. )
Been a while since I reviewed a movie here. I should do that again. Let's start with something light and fluffy, and surprisingly entertaining. Well, for me at least. But I'm easily entertained.

The Penguins of Madagascar

I'm going to spoil the funniest joke in this review, because it made me cry. )
I've been behind on all of this summer's big blockbusters. These things happen. But it's time to sit down and catch up and figure out what's good and what's bad. Ok, everything's bad. Let's just carry on with two movies and see what happens.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

No Charlton Hestons were harmed during filming. Also, people still don't know what Andy Serkis looks like. )

Transformers: Age of Extinction

We've been seeing a lot of super heroes lately, with Captain America and Spider Man just past and the Guardians of the Galaxy coming soon. So what's up with our band of merry mutants, hated and feared by a world they've sworn to protect? Well... let's find out!

X-Men: Days of Future Past

Time travel? Pshaw! Oh wait, it's psychic time travel... double pshaw! )
About a year ago, I noted that Pacific Rim was the movie that Godzilla movies were meant to be. So what happens when Godzilla 2014 tries to be the movie that Godzilla movies were meant to be (except for that Matthew Broderick debacle, Of Which We Shall Not Speak)?

Let's find out.


Godzilla is King of the Monsters. Flash Gordon is King of the Impossible. Gamera is Friend to all Children. Two of these beings do not appear in this film. )
Let's talk more about superheroes. Captain America is the boy scout, the good wholesome guy. Now we have a different character: Peter Parker, aka Spider Man.

The Amazing Spider Man 2

Spider harder. )
There are a lot of big movies coming up - Spider Man 2, Godzilla, Maleficent, X-Men: Days of Future Past - so I'll start by catching up on the big action movie up until the May movies kick in.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Some people say that this is the best Marvel Cinematic Universe movie to date. That's a big statement, but it's not hard to see where they're coming from. )
Well, it's not really Miyamoto Musashi. He'd be rolling in his grave. But it's got swords, and samurai, and Japanese dudes, so... close enough.

47 Ronin

I know sword fu! Also, megaspoiler. )
I've been watching lots of stuff lately, because that sort of thing just happens sometimes. So let's go on a trip together through the magic of the Internet! Let's see some sequels! And some old movies! And some other stuff!

Interested in movies? Let's talk about RoboCop, The Hunger Games 2, Source Code, Thor 2, The Expendables 2, and Resident Evil. )
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