[personal profile] chaosvizier
And so it begins! If you want to contribute a topic, there's still plenty of space and time.

[livejournal.com profile] mitchy asked me to discuss why I do/don't follow any sports.

First, the tie-in. I do not follow any sports.

Why? They just don't interest me. It's no different than not being interested in reality TV, or another TV series, or some other form of entertainment. I know the rules to baseball and football. I've seen games live and on TV. I go to Super Bowl Parties and root for whomever the majority says should win. But there's just no interest here. Never has been, probably never will be.

EDIT: Note that this does not imply that I am contemptuous towards sports or sports fans. Being a fan of a sport is no different than being a fan of Star Trek in my book. Do some sports fans dress up in their teams' jerseys and colors? Do some sci-fi fans dress up like their favorite characters? Yes and yes. Now, I DO have contempt for certain mechanics behind sports, like the NFL's tax-exempt nonprofit status, or certain players like Mike Rapeatron Tyson who use their fame to violate the law and continue to thrive. But that is a different topic.

I don't do any team sports myself. My physical activity is martial arts, and it keeps me relatively fit (for a tubby old guy) and it's fun, and it works the brain as well as the body. Let's try embedding a video of me doing stuff.

So, now for the exceptions to my own statement. I don't follow sports consistently, per se. But there is one sporting event that I will watch as often as possible, and that is the Olympic Games. This is sports on a whole different level, and includes sporting events that are not what is usually or easily found on the telly. Even though, regrettably, American television tends to broadcast only a few select events that are thoroughly uninteresting to me (fuck you, figure skating), you still get a wide selection of interesting events to choose from.

What do I like better, the summer or winter Olympic games? Well, here I must admit some shame and say the winter games, because schadenfreude. The winter games hold far greater potential for disaster and chaos and human tragedy. Why? FRICTIONLESS SURFACES. Ice is a recipe for disaster in any situation that doesn't involve drinking, and snow is just ice that's getting its act together. Watching someone tumble down a ski slope and barrel into the onlookers is 100% comedy gold. Watching the luge and the skeleton is just me sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for the inevitable wipeout. Speed Skating is less about getting to the finish line and more about not being nearby when one guy slips and wipes out five other chumps in the process. And if I have to watch figure skating, I cackle with glee every time someone slips and falls on their ass, thus ruining their chances.

The summer games don't quite offer the same range of schadenfreude satisfaction. Gymnastics is your best bet there, because people fall off shit all the time, and screw up landings and flips and stuff, but most of the other events are pretty tame. Every once in a while someone trips over a hurdle, and the pole vault does lead to some hilarity, but that's about it. No one has died from a misplaced javelin or discus since Ancient Greece, and that's a damn shame.

The second exception is tennis. This is a new thing, as my partner-in-crime is a major tennis fan and watches all the majors. As a result, I have learned a lot more about tennis that I could possibly have imagined, and have gone to live tennis matches. I can name players. I can hold and sustain a detailed conversation about tennis. Trust me, this is an exception to my norm. But fair is fair, women players are usually wearing those short skirts and stuff, and this may appeal to me slightly as a typical troglodytic male human being. Yes, I am a caveman. Mea culpa.

In summary, I like certain sports for schadenfreude and boners. Thank you and good night.
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