Apparently the movie "The Fifth Element" is twenty years old. Apparently also, I am frigging ancient. Get off my lawn, you young whippersnappers!

That being said, they were showing the director's cut of the film in celebration, and I'm down with some young Bruce Willis and some Milla Jovovich, with Gary Oldman thrown in for good measure. So there you have it.

How is this movie, you might ask, if you haven't seen it already once in the past 20 years?

Good question.

Twenty years? That's as many as two tens. And that's terrible. )
So, Guardians of the Galaxy 2 came out, and Marvel, in its infinite wisdom, arranged for some theatres to show a GotG double feature playing them back to back. And, since the first one was a hoot, and since it was practically my birthday, I said "this is my present to me, and it's happening", and then it happened.

Let's review:

Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 1

I AM GROOT. )

Intermission: There was a half-hour break between movies. But, as the credits for GotG1 started rolling, a loud whistle resounded in the theatre. It was not from the credits. It sounded real. And then Michael "Yondu" Rooker walked in and said hi to everyone. HOLY SHIT HE REALLY DOES THE WHISTLE THING. And he was cool and tried phoning in to video chat with James Gunn but technology failed him so he just talked about the movie for a few minutes and they took a video for Disney's movie page and away he went. Surprise Yondu: the best kind of Yondu.

And then...

Guardians of the Galaxy vol.2

I AM GROOT 2: GROOT HARDER )
Looks like the time has come to back up the old LJ and do an import over to this funky place. It's a sad thing, and I'll still have LJ there because it's where I did so much and met so many folks. Guess we'll see how things go over here.

Meanwhile, hi everyone who is new or old or what not! Let's do this! LEROOOOOOY JEEEEEEEENKINS!

(that's right, the old jokes are the best, also I'm a hundred, shut up.)
And in today's offering from last year, we have one of 2016's more controversial action extravaganzas, and I'll let you in on a wee secret: CONTROVERSY IS DUMB.

Shocking, isn't it?

Let's have a look-see at what happens when the internet explodes.

Ghostbusters

I ain't afraid of no ghosts, but women, oh no, those things are scary. )
As always, the necessary disclaimers to this story are A) I'm old and B) my eyesight often plays tricks on me. Dirty, unwholesome tricks.

Case in point: the sidebar on my Facebook screen which lists trending articles and other such pointless jibba-jabba. I glance at it, looking for anything interesting, and of course my eyes tell me that the Gamecocks will face off with Gazonga in a final WHAT THE ASS

*reading glasses, reading glasses, here they are*

*crap, I spilled coffee on them somehow*

*wipe wipe*

...huh. They really are the Gamecocks. However, they are not facing off with some giant Gazongas, but instead are facing Gonzaga. Not Gazonga.



Also, unrelated to this, it was raining cats and dogs and I might not have carried an umbrella and so my pants were soaked from the knees down.

Thanks, Monday. You do you.
It's movie time! The non-summer blockbuster season is out in full force, and high up on the list is a rebooting of one of the classic creature features: King Kong. And boy have we moved far past the days of a giant ape hanging on the Empire State Building...

Kong: Skull Island

No monkeys were harmed in the filming of this movie. Andy Serkis was not motion captured for this purpose... for once. )

OM NOM NOM

Dec. 24th, 2016 10:19 am
Who's eating a box3 of Batman v Superman breakfast cereal2 right now? I'm not saying it's this guy right here for sure1, but the odds are definitely in my favor.


1This guy right here will eat almost anything, given the chance4.
2This cereal comes in two varieties: the Batman flavor and the Superman flavor7. I am currently working with the Batman flavor5.
3Pedants among you might be noting, "But [livejournal.com profile] chaosvizier, you're just eating a bowl of cereal poured from a box, not the entire box itself." WRONG! You can't be a glutton if you don't try, and I ain't no quitter.
3aPROFIT! Usually that's number three, but sometimes I forget.
4Notable exceptions to things I will not even try: Casu Marzu cheese.
5Why exactly does the Batman flavor involve strawberries? Really just curious from a marketing standpoint. "Ok, we need two distinct flavors, one that represents Batman, the Dark Knight, and one that represents Superman, Last Son of Krypton. Any suggestions? ... Yes, Jensen?" - "BATMAN TASTES LIKE STRAWBERRIES!!!!!" - "...Any other suggestions? Anyone? Anyone at all? ... *sigh* Fine. Strawberry it is. Also, Jensen, you're fired."
6Merry Almost Christmas, everyone!
7If you're wondering whether I deliberately bought this box of cereal, the answer is yes, and also I routinely make strange and horrible impulse shopping decisions in the grocery store.
Thanks to the unexpected but awesome resurgence of LJ users, and the subsequent acquisition of new friends, I feel the need to post another introduction. This will make me seem cool and amazing, which in turn will lead to crushing disappointment in six months when you learn that it's all a horrible sham and I'm really just a creepy hermit huddled under a blanket watching Voltron5.

This might get long and wordy and may have pictures, so here's a cut tag for convenience.

Facebook's lack of cut tags and organizational methods makes it a far inferior platform. )
This post is dedicated entirely to [livejournal.com profile] i_calql8.



Carry on.
Oops, lost track of things. So let's finish up this November Meme with the last two entries merged into one, courtesy of [livejournal.com profile] sskipstress and [livejournal.com profile] sskipstress. Convenient, wot wot?

On the one hand, she was curious about my thoughts on presidential pardoning of turkeys.

On the other hand, she wondered what were some of the most useful, most amusing, and utterly useless mnemonics.

In the words of Leroy Jenkins, "Let's do this!"

Frigging turkeys. )

Johnny Mnemonic approves of this thread. )

TL,DR version: If you learn a mnemonic, you'll save the turkey.
First off, a big Happy Birthday shoutout to [livejournal.com profile] sskipstress! She's a wee youngun' turning 42 today. And so she asked me, for today's question, how she should celebrate her 42nd birthday.

Well, let's find out!

Rule One for any party is Just Go Wild. You can't go wrong here. )

This message paid for and approved by Dagon. All hail Dagon.
Ok, this one is a few days late. Sometimes stuff happens. But no matter, the meme must go on! Also, there's still time to get another entry or two in if you're feeling adventurous. Go for broke! Make the pie higher!

Meanwhile, [livejournal.com profile] germankitty goes all historical and proposes that I discuss JFK and whatever legacy he left behind in my opinion.

Dammit, Jim, he's dead. )

TL;DR version: JFK was doing great until someone shot him. Then his presidency suffered a decline.
Is there no end to this madness? All this writing and writing, blah blah blah, it never ends!

On the plus side, I have a great idea for my next LJ project.

On the minus side, I'm really gassy this morning.

And on we go! [livejournal.com profile] trishalynn wants to know what I'd do if I was given $24 million dollars to spend in one 24-hour period any way I wanted, just as long as the money was given to help other people.

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY WITH THE FILTHY STOLEN MONEY? )

TL,DR version: Killing is bad for the most part. Mostly. So do charity. Not killing. Nope.
This is a lot of posts for me. Crazy talk!

And now, the post you've all been waiting for: [livejournal.com profile] angledge told me to write about my plan for world peace.

This is going to be pretty ugly. )

1 True story at work: First, we have those phones with all that fancy caller ID stuff so it shows you the name of the person calling you, or at least their number. In some cases, for generic department lines, maybe just an office name. Second, there is an office on Genocide Investigation and Prevention somewhere in the building. So, when I got a phone call from "Genocide 1", I have to admit, I was a bit nervous.
Oops, this one was for yesterday, but I was out the whole day and passed out at home before using The Internets. So let's catch up and make it good.

[livejournal.com profile] mitchy decided that I should talk about puddings. The best, the worst, the one I can't live without.

Let's do this like a boss. A boss pudding.

I'm going all over the place with this entry. Try to keep up. )

In summary: most puddings are good, unless they're trying to kill you.
Four entries in six days? This is unheard of, wot wot!

Today, [livejournal.com profile] lovellama went old-school and wanted me to review the movie 'Predator'. An Arnold Schwarzenegger movie? YES I CAN.

There is never a wrong time for an Ahnold movie. )

In summary, part two: Billy was the best character. All hail Billy.
Remember, remember, the meme of November!

In today's episode, [livejournal.com profile] i_calql8 inquires about my movie review of 'V for Vendetta'. Tomorrow's episode is still open for discussion, so come on by! Even if you already chose a day, fuck it, take a second day! Be greedy!

V FOR VVVVVVVVVVROOOM )

In summary: Colliwobbles.
Another day, another blog entry with a special topic/question to be handled. Want me to talk about something specific? There's plenty of chances! Hell, take a second spot, I'm not picky.

Anyway, for today's topic, [livejournal.com profile] bending_sickle thinks I should talk about horror movies: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

This entry will be presented in SPOOOOOOOKYVISION! )

In summary: Don't go to Japan because their ghosts will seriously fuck your shit up, I'm not even kidding.
And so it begins! If you want to contribute a topic, there's still plenty of space and time.

[livejournal.com profile] mitchy asked me to discuss why I do/don't follow any sports.

Hurr hurr, I'm sporting now, if you know what I mean, hurr hurr. )

In summary, I like certain sports for schadenfreude and boners. Thank you and good night.
This comes courtesy of Lord [livejournal.com profile] fragbert, and since I should actually use my LJ for something once in a while, I'm willing to play along.

First off, GOOOOOOOD MOOOOOOORNING EVERYBOOOOODYYYYYYYYYY

Also, if you're old like me, let's try HEY YOUUUU GUUUUUUUU-UUUUUUYYYYYSSSSSSS
(because The Electric Company ruled)

Anyway, the meme. You, my wonderful and loyal (and hopefully still present and accounted-for) readers, comment below with a date and a subject, and I am honor-bound to talk about it on that date. Photo essay/entry requests are allowed. Encouraged, even. Bring it on, folks! Come partake of my vast tasty wisdom!

I'll update this entry with date and subject requests as I get them.

And so, the calendar as it stands:

Ok, really, this time I'm going to post stuff. For reals. Come on, ask me your questions, bridge keeper. I'm not afraid. )
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